Wild Songs
by BBVixen
Summary: [New Songfic] K: Emotionless. Based off song by Good Charlotte. The Doom Patrol receive two letters from Beast Boy. What does he have to say to his father, Mento?
1. Author's Note

Important Author's Note:

I've decided to combine all my song fictions into one. So, here they are. Why did I decide this? Well, all my stories that are "inactive" end up getting removed from the site and I get punished for it. Lame, I know, but those are the rules. So, to prevent that from happening again I'm combining them all into one. Besides, I don't like seeing my stories removed. Especially if people review them and add them to their favorites list. It kills me to see that.

More Important Info:

Since there's going to be more than one story here (and some might not be sequels), chances are the ratings will change. This is how the drop-down menu will look. This is also how to read it:

Rating: Title of Chapter

The rating of the story will belisted firstand the Chapter's title will come after. Here's an example:

K: Key To My Heart

I'm serious here. This is important. I don't want anyone giving me reviews saying "Oh my God! I accidentally read a story that's clearly for a mature audience. Why didn't you change the rating?" Don't give me that. I clearly stated what I'm doing here. If that happens to you and you DO send me an email or review saying that, I'll send you a link to this page and tell you to read it.

With that said, enjoy my song fictions.

-BBVixen

And to all of you who did review my stories, thank you!


	2. K: Key To My Heart

Author's Note: This is my first Teen Titans fanfiction (or songfic, whatever you prefer). Anyway, I was bored one day and decided to listen to my music while reading some fictions online. Next thing I know, the song "Key to my Heart" by Craig David started playing and I was thinking about the whole Beast Boy/Raven pairing. Well, a light bulb appeared above my head and I just started writing. So, without further ado, I present to you (the reader's)… Key To My Heart! Enjoy! (R&R if you wish, but please don't flame.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or the rights to the song, "Key to my Heart" by Craig David. I just own the story.

Key To My Heart

By: BBVixen

The bright orange sun rose high over the horizon. White clouds scattered across the light blue sky. The ocean waves, shimmering in the morning sunlight, crashed silently against the island's rocky shore. On this island, stood one of Jump City's most respected structures: Titans Tower. Home to the ever famous Teen Titans. Jump City's defenders against injustice and wrongdoers. The giant 'T' shaped building stood with pride as the morning light enveloped it and seeped through the windows, gently touching one boy's face. Opening his eyes and quickly glancing out his window, the team's fearless leader felt a smile tug at his lips. He got out of bed and dressed, ready for the adventures of another new day. In other room, a tiny alarm from a clock had just gone off, waking a strange girl with red hair and green eyes. She seemed excited as she got up and made her bed. The day was just like any other. There was no special reason to be happy today, but to the alien girl, every day was a good day as long as she was with her friends. Not too far from the red head was another room. Filled with technology as far as the eye can see, a cybernetic teen lay on a slanted table. A smell swept in and found its way to his nostrils. Taking in a deep whiff of the pleasant aroma, his right robotic eye activated as his left human eye opened. He knew the smell better than anyone else and he dashed out of the room, passing a door. Inside was another girl, throwing a blue cloak over her shoulders and fastening it at the collar. She turned and headed for the door. The last, and youngest, member was busy in the kitchen. He had been unable to sleep and decided to make an enormous breakfast feast for his teammates. Being a vegetarian, he was barely able to withstand the terrible scent of meat his friends so strongly desired. Once it had finished cooking, he placed the still sizzling bacon on a plate. He had just set the plate of meat on the round table when the other four members entered the room.

"Whoa, Beast Boy!" The leader, Robin, addressed the green chef. "What's the occasion?"

"Yeah, man. You usually don't cook, and you _ESPECIALLY_ never cook meat for us. Usually it's that tofu junk you always eat." responded the mechanical teen, Cyborg.

The green boy smiled softly, feeling a bit queasy remembering the greasy bacon sizzling. "Well, I couldn't really sleep last night and thought I'd do something nice for everyone." He smirked. "Alright, everyone sit down before it gets cold."

They happily obliged and began eating the wonderful spread the young shape shifter had prepared. Cyborg filled his plate with three varieties of meat, at least four scoops of scrambled eggs, two waffles, and toast. Robin's diet was smaller, consisting of only four bacon strips and eggs, while the alien, Starfire, only ate a waffle. Raven took a piece of toast and began to munch on it. She was about to get up from her seat at the table to fetch her morning herbal tea when Beast Boy approached and gave everyone, except her, a glass of orange juice. He left for a split second and returned with a cup, steam emitting from the contents inside. The changeling carefully placed the porcelain cup in front of Raven and smiled.

"Here you go, Rae. I hope you like it." the green boy replied as sat next to her at the table.

_He seems nervous about something._ The dark girl thought. _He's never made tea for me before. This is probably one of his stupid jokes. It has to be. Why else would he be acting so nice to us? But…his smile. It seems…loving and gentle. Maybe he's abandoned his childish ways and started maturing. Maybe…_

She took a sip of the tea and her eyes lit up. It was, it was…

"Beast Boy… this isn't my tea." Beast Boy was starting to grow worried and scratched the back of his head.

"It isn't your tea…but it _is _tea, nonetheless. It's actually an old recipe I learned a long time ago."

"It's delicious. Where did you learn it?"

"I learned the recipe a long time ago when I went to Africa with my parents." He turned away from Raven as his expression saddened.

_It must still be hard on him to think about his mother and father._ She thought. "Beast Boy, are you alright?"

Realizing that he had tears in his eyes, he excused himself from the others and ran out of the room, leaving the four members with worried and confused looks on their faces.

♪ "_Lonely hours lonely days_

_Never meant to drive you away from me yeah_

_I should have listened to you lady_

_And what you had to say if only yeah" _♪

Beast Boy was in his room, tears silently flowing down at the mere thought of his wonderful parents who risked everything to protect and save him. He was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, as he thought.

_Why does it still hurt? I thought time heals all wounds. Why couldn't the pain and tears just come out at night, when the others can't see me? I don't want them to know about my past. How could they understand what I've been through? None of them could ever understand me, except…_

His eyes widened as he suddenly remembered a past experience he had with Raven. He remembered having a nightmare a few days back about the day his parents had died. He woke up with a fright only to find the Goth girl staring at him with worry. As he sat up, sweat poured down his green face as he attempted to regulate his breathing. She was sitting on his bed, next to him, and asked what his dream was about. Reluctant at first, he eventually opened up and told her about his past. He felt a little better afterwards but Raven insisted on staying with him in his room until he was able to fall asleep again. It didn't take long for him to doze off, but when he awoke in the morning, he found that the dark girl was sleeping next to him. Ever since that night, he'd been feeling a bit different towards Raven. He had thought about her every day and blushed when he saw her. On their last mission, the bad guy they were fighting had hit Raven and sent her flying right into his arms. He could feel his face glow red as he looked into her beautiful dark eyes. Holding her for just that one second was one of the greatest and scariest feelings he had ever experienced. He didn't completely understand why he was starting to undergo this sensation but he wished it would never go away. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. At least, not since he went out with Terra… it suddenly hit him.

"I'M IN LOVE WITH RAVEN!" he screamed as his eyes grew wide. Upon realizing this, everything started to make sense. His strange behavior around her, wanting to be next to her, and mostly why he continued to think about her. He didn't try to deny it. His heart wanted to belong to her. He wanted someone to love him and maybe, just maybe, she was that person. There was just one question on his mind though…

"How the hell am I going to tell her?" He got up and walked to the door. _Maybe I can go to the rooftop and clear my head._ He thought. As he opened the door, he saw the girl of his dreams standing right in front of him.

♪ "_I never knew how much you feel for somebody_

_After you've let them go let them go_

_And you find out that it's too late to let your feelings show feelings show_

_And even though I've done you so wrong_

_Don't you know like I know ooh baby?" _♪

_Crap!_ He thought as his cheeks were already starting to blush. _No time like the present, I guess. But what if she rejects me? Oh man, what do I do?_

"Hi Beast Boy. I just wanted to see if you were alright. You left the table in a hurry and we got worried." Raven said. Her voice sounded sweet, almost loving, not like her usual monotone voice. He stood there quietly for a minute or two, feeling the beads of sweat already forming on his forehead. His heart started working its way up his chest, as he glanced into her stunning violet eyes. He finally snapped out of his trance and noticed Raven's worried face.

"Oh! Yeah, I'm fine Rae." He started. He could feel his body temperature raising. _It's now or never_, he feared. "Uhh… Raven?"

"Yes, Beast Boy."

"I, uhh… I…I…" he mumbled the rest.

"Could you repeat that? I didn't get it all."

"I…" he gulped hard, his heart found a place in his throat, "love you." Two light fixtures above their heads exploded, as well as everything in Beast Boy's room. He hung his head down but still kept his gaze on Raven, afraid of what she would do to him next. To say that she was expecting that would be a flat out lie. Unsure what to think, she backed away from the young teen, tears in her eyes. The green changeling saw this and tears of embarrassment were already starting to appear in his own forest green eyes. Shutting his eyes tightly, he ran away, leaving Raven there to soak in what had just happened. She stood for a while until her knees finally gave out causing her to drop to the ground. She wasn't angry, or sad, or even embarrassed because of her sudden power outburst. On the contrary, she was relieved. _He beat me to it._

Beast Boy had made his way to the rooftop, hot painful tears staining his young face. It seemed that his life would always be filled with pain and nothing else. He had confessed his love to a girl who was probably now devising a plan to murder him. He could feel his heart breaking, ripping itself in half and sending the shreds to the ground waiting for someone to step on them.

_She hates me even more now. I know she does. I saw that look in her eyes right when my room exploded. I knew I should have waited!_ He kicked himself mentally. _What do I do now? I can't see her after that._ He looked out at the ocean. The day had ended and the sun was setting. The bright orb sank into the horizon as the sky changed to a sickening orange and clouds changed to a variety of colors. A breeze caught hold of the boy's green hair and gently brushed through it, caressing his innocent face as well, giving him a sense of comfort. It worked.

_Maybe… I should leave._ He thought, his heart breaking even more at the thought of leaving his only home._ I can't stay here. I wouldn't be able to look at her ever again._ His mind was made up. With that, he morphed into a dark green colored crow and took to the skies. He turned back to look at Titans Tower and a tear rolled down from his black crow eyes.

_I'm sorry guys. I hope you can understand someday. Raven, my love, I'll never forget you. I hope you can someday find it in your heart to love me. I'll miss you._ And with that, he flew off.

♪ "_You see you've got the key to my heart girl_

_Unlock me and take all my feelings apart_

_Cause when you said you had to leave_

_Had to go away you closed the door on me yeah_

_You threw away the key." _♪

A year had passed since Beast Boy stepped foot in Jump City. He had been traveling the world, seeing the sights, and drinking in the moments his young life had to offer. From the shrines in Japan to Big Ben in London, he had seen it all. Being away from his home gave him time to be free and think about his life. He enjoyed everything but missed the girl he loved so much. He regret not telling her or the others of his sudden disappearance. That was why he came back. He promised himself he would return to see them and, hopefully, they would forgive his rash decision to leave them. He walked through Jump City, wondering the entire time what to tell his friends when he saw them. He came to the piers and saw the structure that was once his home. The day was done and the sun was setting. It was exactly the same time as when he had left the Titans. It looked the same as well. His heart was lodged in his throat as he looked out at the island and one of the most respected buildings in the world: Titans Tower.

_I can't believe it's been a year._ He thought._ What am I going to say to them? How are they going to react? What will Raven say to me? She'll probably slap me for leaving. Do I really want to take that chance then?_ His eyes glistened as he thought about the gothic girl he loved so much and still did. All the time they had spent together, the jokes he told her that never made her laugh, and the night she slept next to him because of his nightmare. Was he really willing to see her after leaving her and everyone else without a word as to where he was going? Was he willing to be hurt again just to see her?

_Of course I am._ He morphed into a green hawk and gracefully glided over to the tower… and his young love.

♪ "_Starting over I'm feeling down_

_Still can't believe that you're not around_

_I should have been there for you baby_

_But now I'm crying on this melody tonight yeah" _♪

The Teen Titans had managed to get by with only four members, but their spirit was far from being repaired. Cyborg had lost all interest in video games and spent most of his time working on his car. Starfire, after a few months of depression, was finally able to use her powers again. However, when she woke up in the morning, she knew she would not see her green friend's smiling face. Robin had spent all his time training and less time with his friends. As for Raven, she spent every day either in her room or on the roof, thinking about the young changeling and his adventures. She was now standing on the roof, thinking about him.

_It's all my fault that he left. He told me he loved me and I… I said nothing. Why didn't I tell him how I felt about him?_ She thought as she fell to the ground, feeling the tears flow down her face and splash on the cement roof. She missed him dearly and would have done anything to get him back.

"Raven?" Starfire placed a hand on her friend's shoulder and asked in a sweet voice, "Forgive my interruption, but Robin and Cyborg had asked me to come and tell you that we are ready to begin. Please, you wish to partake in the ceremony?"

"Yeah, I'll be right down Starfire." Raven replied, getting up from the ground and wiping her eyes. Since the disappearance of Beast Boy, she had learned a spell that would allow her to show her emotions and keep her powers under control. She was grateful to finally express herself to her friends without fear of blowing something up or hurting them. She walked down to the room that belonged to the former green titan. Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire each held something that reminded them of their friend. Cyborg held a small plate of tofu, Starfire held a picture of him and her making childish faces when they went to a circus a few years ago, and Robin held a small toy moped. As Raven approached them an alarm went off, signaling someone at the front door. After exchanging a few glances to each other, the Titans made their way to the 'T' shaped door and opened it, surprised to see the figure standing there before them.

"Hi, guys." Beast Boy said, calmly.

♪ "_I didn't realize that there's no other remedy to numb this pain numb this pain_

_But if you come back in my life_

_Then maybe I can start to live again live again_

_And even though you're being so strong_

_Don't you know like I know ooh baby?" _♪

The four just stood there, looking over the green teenager that had left them a year ago. He had grown at least three inches since last they saw him, making him eye level with Robin, and his hair was a little longer but still in his usual spiky style. He had gained a bit more muscle on his arms and legs. He still wore his Titan uniform, though it was a bit tight on him due to his growth spurt. He looked at his friends with his emerald eyes and smiled at them, pleased to see their faces once more.

"Friend! You have returned!" Starfire exclaimed as she ran to Beast Boy and hugged him. Even though he couldn't really breathe, he didn't care. He was just happy that they missed him as much as he missed them.

"Hey Star. Mind if I come in?" Beast Boy said when Starfire let go. His voice had deepened a little. It sounded more mature to the others. Robin smiled at the changeling and nodded. They eventually made their way to the operations center and sat down on the couch, except for Cyborg who was getting Beast Boy a glass of water.

"So, tell us B," Cyborg started, as he gave the teen the glass, "What have you been up to?"

As he drank the water, feeling the cool liquid gently slide down his throat, he smiled at his cybernetic friend. "I've been seeing the world."

"You saw the world? Everything?" Robin questioned in amazement. He remembered the day that Beast Boy had bugged him for a moped, complaining that his arms got tired whenever he flew.

"Yeah! It was awesome. I went everywhere and saw everything. Castles in Scotland, temples in China, went surfing in Australia, spent time with an African tribe, swung on vines in the Amazon… everything."

After an hour or two of telling his friends of his adventures, he asked the group what had happened since he left. There was a silent moment before Cyborg explained to Beast Boy that they had been miserable without him and that the tower's atmosphere seemed dull. Upon hearing this, the odd colored teenager's face saddened. He had caused his friends a great deal of pain without even knowing it.

"Guys, I'm…" he started, "I'm really sorry for leaving like that. It's just I… I had to. I'm so sorry I didn't say anything though. It was dumb of me to do that." He felt a hand place itself on his shoulder. He looked up into Robin's mask.

"It's alright. We're just glad that you're home again." He responded with a warm smile.

"You mean…" the young changeling started, hopeful that he was welcomed back.

Robin nodded, "You're still a member of the Titans… and this is still your home." He handed Beast Boy his communicator and, taking it, he smiled. He was wanted again.

"Wondrous! In honor of Beast Boy's return, I purpose we do the ordering of pizza. As well as do the 'hanging out.'" Starfire suggested happily. Everyone agreed. Just as Cyborg had dialed the number for the pizza place, the alien announced that she was going to sing to Beast Boy a Tamaranean folk song to express her happiness. Robin was quick to stop her though. Beast Boy excused himself, wanting to change into something that wasn't too restricting on his body. After getting to his old room, he took one look and realized how much he had really grown during his little 'vacation.' Seeing piles of clothes on the ground, destroyed furniture (thanks to Raven's outburst that night one year ago), discarded pizza boxes, and various things scattered all over the floor, made him wonder how he was able to live in the mess.

_First things first, I guess._ He thought and started to clean his room. It didn't take long. He merely threw everything that was considered trash in one corner of the room, promising himself he'd tend to it later, and his clothes in another corner. During this, he found a white shirt and pair of black pants that were surprisingly clean.

_Remember now B.B., NO MORPHING! You know what'll happen._ He mentally noted as he toke off his uniform, and slipped into the pants. He grabbed the shirt he found and put it on. He was amazed that the clothes fit him perfectly but then remembered that a year ago he was into the whole 'baggy clothes' style. He removed his gloves, a bit nervous about his exposed hands. The Titans had never seen them before and there was a reason why that was. He was ashamed of them. Though his hands were soft, there were a few scars that reminded him of all the painful moments in his life. He made his way to the door, still looking at his hands, and opened it. Glancing up, he saw the girl he had abandoned but still longed for.

"Raven…" he said softly.

♪ "_You see you've got the key to my heart girl_

_Unlock me and take all my feelings apart_

_Cause when you said you had to leave_

_Had to go away you closed the door on me yeah_

_You threw away the key." _♪

Raven had become more beautiful since he last saw her that dreadful night. Her violet hair had grown longer and her figure was more… womanly. Beast Boy gulped loudly as his eyes traced up and down her slender body, following every detail and curve. His heart rate increased as he looked into her dazzling, deep violet eyes. He brought his exposed right hand up to her face, gently touching her soft grayish skin. It felt like silk to him. He could see the tears starting to well up in her eyes.

_She must have really missed me after I left._ He thought. "Raven, I…I'm sorr-" he was cut off by Raven as she pulled him into a kiss. It only lasted about nine seconds but to the two teenagers, it seemed like an hour had gone by. Much to his dismay though, she pushed away.

"Why did you leave, Gar?" She suddenly asked, tears lightly leaking from her violet orbs.

_She's never called me by my first name before._ He thought, feeling a bit shocked from her action. His face was lined was sadness. She didn't understand, his one fearful thought.

"Rae, I left because…" he paused, closing his eyes, remembering the embarrassing night. "I left because I was… embarrassed. You didn't say anything after I told you. So, I assumed you- you hated me." He struggled to find those last three words. He looked up into Raven's eyes, feeling the tears himself form. "You meant everything to me… and you still do. You're all I can think about. Raven…" he took her hands in his, "I love you." His voice was soft and gentle. A smile crept on Raven's lips and she threw herself into the arms of the young man.

"Gar…" she whispered in his ear, "I love you too."

He hugged her tightly as she said those words. She had finally confessed her love to him. He pulled her away and smiled, his emerald orbs shining into Raven's. He closed his eyes and gently kissed the lips of his dark love. A soft moan escaped her as she felt his hands on her waist pull her towards him, closing the gap between the two. Hearing this, he lightly purred in pleasure.

_Pizza can wait._ He thought.

♪ "_And every day and night I'm thinking 'bout you constantly_

_Now I know for sure how much you really mean to me yeah_

_Sometimes I get a rush_

_And I see how we were meant to be lady."_♪

The sun rose, illuminating Jump City. Children were busy getting ready for a new day of school, while the adults prepared for another exhausting day at work. Shops and stores opened, eagerly waiting for their customers and the very thing that kept their business running. Jump City was definitely in a hurry this morning. The sunlight reflected off the water giving it an eerie but beautiful appearance. A breeze had blown in and caught the blue ocean, making small waves that gently splashed against the island that housed the ever famous, Teen Titans. The morning light poured through the window in one specific room and felt upon the bed, gently touching the green skin of Beast Boy. His sleeping eyes shut tightly as daylight washed over him. Slowly, he opened them and noticed something different about the room he was in.

_I'm in Raven's room!_ His eyes widened as he looked around. The room was still decorated as if it were Halloween. He tried to recall what happened the previous night. After Raven had confessed, they kissed and she led him to her bedroom. They had been up talking all night and, occasionally, making out. But that was it. He remembered one topic they had talked about. It happened to be about the time he had his nightmare and she stayed with him. Raven explained that she had woken up from a nightmare that very night and went to the kitchen to make herself some tea to help calm her down. On her way back to her room, she heard Beast Boy groaning and decided to check up on him. Hearing about his past put them on a new level of trust and made her realize just how dark his life had been. When she watched him sleep, she admitted that the look on his innocent face was heavenly. That was when she fell in love with him. He looked so peaceful sleeping that soon she too became tired and lied down next to him. He admit that ever since that night he too had felt differently toward her. Finally, it all made sense to him. He mentally kicked himself for not asking her about her dream that night. She had been seeking comfort from him and he talked about himself. He didn't even think as to why Raven was in his room caring for him.

"Beast Boy?" Shocked, he looked to his right to see the sleepy, but awake Raven starting at him. "Morning." She smiled and gently kissed his moist, silky lips.

"Morning. Guess we both got a little tired last night, huh?" He smiled lovingly.

"You fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you." She said in a sweet voice.

_She must have used her powers to move me then. We were sitting on the foot of the bed. Who cares! I got to sleep next to the girl I love._ He thought._ What could be better than this?_

"Raven…" She looked into his emerald eyes and noticed a child like innocence in them that made her long for him even more.

"Yes, Beast Boy." She answered.

He reached into his pant pocket and brought out a silver chain necklace with a small, silver key dangling down. She gasped at the sight of the jewelry and felt a single tear roll down her smooth gray skin as he put it around her neck.

"You've got the key to heart. I love you, Raven." With that said, they kissed with great passion.

♪ "_You see you've got the key to my heart girl_

_Unlock me and take all my feelings apart_

_Cause when you said you had to leave_

_Had to go away you closed the door on me _

_You see you've got the key to my heart girl_

_Unlock me and take all my feelings apart_

_Cause when you said you had to leave_

_Had to go away you closed the door on me yeah_

_You threw away the key." _♪


	3. M: Missing

Author's Note: Yeah, I changed my name because it happens to be the same name I use for my DeviantArt page. It's just a lot easier this way. To my shock, there didn't seem to be enough Beast BoyXCyborg stories. So, here's another one to add on the short list. This is not meant to be a religious story. If you like it because you think it sounds religious, fine. But I'm just letting you know, it's not. I wrote this with absolutely NO INTENT of it being religious based. If you hate it because it sounds religious, you obviously didn't read this note. The story takes place right after the episode "Crash." Please enjoy! R&R, if you like.

Also, check out my DeviantArt page for story illustrations. (For some reason, I'm having problems with inserting a link so we have to do this another way. Click on my Author Name to go to my profile. Once there, click on my homepage. That'll take you to my D.A. page. Sorry for the inconvenience.)

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, or the song "Missing" by Evanescence. I love them both, however.

Missing

By: BBVixen

-------------------------------------------------------

"_Please, please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_Maybe someday you'll look up_

_And barely conscious you'll say to no one_

_Isn't something missing?"_

-------------------------------------------------------

I woke up and rolled onto my back. My muscles ached from my recent battle to save Cyborg from that virus I gave him. Even though he said he forgave me, I still felt bad just knowing that I caused it. I slowly got out of bed. I was so tired last night that I slept on the bottom bunk instead of the top, like I usually do. I stole a glance at my wall clock and read the time. 5:27 a.m.? No wonder I'm still tired. I grabbed a white towel and made my way to the bathroom. The sun was barely rising and I knew the other Titans wouldn't wake for at least another two hours, giving me some serious personal time. I walked into the bathroom. With five teenagers using the same bathroom, you'd think it would be a mess. You know, like soap scum, bathtub rings, rusty knobs, piles of smelly clothes… the works. But it was surprisingly clean everyday. Robin made it like the number one rule of the Tower: Keep the bathroom clean and you can live here. I threw my towel on the nearby towel rack and striped my uniform off my body, feeling my muscles tense from the sudden exposure as my clothes fell to the ground. Here in the tower, we don't really believe in pajamas. We usually just sleep in our outfits in case of a little midnight trouble in Jump City. Sure, it was unsanitary, but when you're a superhero you have to move fast. I turned the silver knobs and watched as the clear liquid shot out of the shower head from above. I tested the water and set it to a warm temperature. Once it was to my liking I stepped in and felt the water hitting my tense body. It felt relaxing as the tiny streams ran down every crevice and curve my body made. I grabbed the shampoo, poured the gel in my hand, and lathered it in my hair. I always enjoyed the fragrant. It was strong but pleasing to my nose, almost like cologne. Robin and I had agreed to share shampoo and soap to cut down on expenses, the girls share their own. My hand eventually found the soap bar and I started to wash my green skin. I often felt embarrassed by my oddly colored flesh so I made it a number one priority to never show any other part of my body except my face and neck, but there had always been a few exceptions. Just by looking at myself made me envy the others. Starfire had orange skin, Raven had gray, and both could pass as normal. Cyborg had some of his original skin intact with his cybernetic parts, and Robin…well, he is the only normal looking one, minus the mask. But as for yours truly, I'm not even close to being considered that. I rubbed the soap in my hands and quickly scrubbed my face. After rinsing the soap and shampoo off, I turned the water off and grabbed my white towel. I dried myself quickly and wrapped the fabric around my waist. It felt soft and comforting against my body. I stepped out and reached for my toothbrush that stood in a holder by the sink. Once pasted, I started brushing my teeth. My mouth was beginning to tingle from the minty taste. My mind wondered about everything that had happened. Robin becoming Slade's apprentice and attacking us; that took a while for us to trust him again. Starfire almost marrying that…that…whatever it was, Raven and the whole romance thing she had with that strange book of hers, Cyborg almost betraying the team when he went undercover at the Hive Academy, and…Terra. I spit the foam out into the sink, rinsed my toothbrush off, and placed it back in the holder. I looked at the other four that silently stood with mine. Each one was color coded to match a certain Titan. Robin had a bright red one with a neon green stripe running down, Raven's was purple with a black stripe, Starfire's was orange with a neon green stripe, Cyborg had a light blue one, and mine was just green. I often wondered if Cyborg got the solid blue toothbrush just so that I wouldn't feel left out. He was good at that, caring about me, I mean. I respected him for that. I ran my fingers through my hair, giving it a loose spiky style. I was suddenly overcome with a feeling nausea as I glanced over my jade colored self in the mirror in front of me. It was a disgusting sight in my opinion. This was the price I faced for surviving a deadly virus. My fingers numbly traced the image of my chest reflecting from the mirror. I felt a single tear fall freely from my sparkling emerald eyes. Then, a sense of rage overcame my body, my right hand balled up into a fist, and I slammed it into the taunting mirror. Shards flew at me, lightly cutting my green flesh. My fist, however, was covered in blood. I quickly grabbed the toilet paper and used it as a bandage. I sat on my knees on the ground wincing in pain as the paper started applying pressure to my open wound. The throbbing soreness of my hand made my heart pound in my throat. My tearful eyes surveyed the bathroom. Shards of glass lay on the ground all around me, some even stained with my blood. My legs started to hurt. I stood up, a little dizzy from the blood loss, and came to realize that I had been kneeling on some pieces of glass. Tiny cuts were found on my legs and thin streams of blood freely fell down. It finally donned on me that someone must have heard the shatter and, as if on cue, my ears perked at the sound of the door opening. Hastily hiding my wounded hand behind my back, my attention turned to see the other Titans staring at me, expressions of pure fear and worry crossing their faces.

"Beast Boy, what happened? Are you alright?" Robin questioned as he attempted to step forward to me. As if by instinct, I backed away from him, only to wince in more pain as I stepped on the fallen shards behind me.

"You really _are_ an idiot." Raven said as she levitated the pieces that lay around me and dropped them in the trash can. "Now we have to get a new mirror." She said, glaring at me.

"B.B., what happened? You're covered in blood! I can hardly tell if you're green or red!" Cyborg exclaimed sounding a little freaked out. He had every right to be.

"Friend," Starfire started, "do you require the need for medical attention? You have tiny marks all over your body." My eyes widened as I suddenly remembered I was standing exposed with only a towel for cover. My face flushed in shock and embarrassment. I'm sure they were disgusted by my skin as I was. I could feel my pupils shrink as I gazed at my teammates, their eyes holding that look of horror and fear that I hated so much.

"Beast Boy…?" Cyborg asked, stepping forward with his left cybernetic hand extended to me. My body tensed under their watchful eyes and I fell into a daze. Thoughts of how to explain the blood stained floor and shattered mirror filled my head. His cold, titanium hand connecting with my shoulder was enough to alarm me of my current situation. I looked up and saw Cyborg's eyes stare into mine. His right human eye showed full concern, while his left cybernetic eye glowed a brilliant red. Under his gaze and touch, I panicked. I had to get away from them, from their eyes that seemed to taunt me. My body started to blur and fall to the ground. Just before hitting it though, my arms and legs took on a different shape and appearance. Spots ran up both as my entire body morphed into the form of a cheetah. I ran past them all, their eyes still never leaving me. My right paw leaving behind a bloody paw print trail. The doors to my room slid open in a futuristic style and I ran in. My chest felt as though it were on fire as I tried to catch my breath. I could feel my body demanding human form as I arched my back in the air. The spots covering my form disappeared as my arms, legs, and body morphed back to human. I leaned against a wall and favored my wounded hand. The toilet paper had fallen off after I transformed and the blood was now falling to the floor. My ears twitched as I heard the faint 'splash' noise it made upon contact. Running with an open wound, especially when it was this deep, caused my hand to throb in an enormous amount of pain. I was sure that a few glass shards had managed to lodge themselves into my wound as well and I probably had way of removing them. It hurt so much that I didn't even realize my towel had fallen off during the transformation as well and I was standing there…completely nude.

-------------------------------------------------------

"_You won't cry for my absence, I know_

_You forgot me long ago_

_Am I that unimportant?_

_Am I so insignificant?_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

-------------------------------------------------------

After dressing and tending to my wounds (which took about an hour or two; luckily, there was no glass stuck inside), I went outside and sat on a pile of rocks down by where the ocean met with our little island and watched as the sun slowly rose, enveloping me in its warm glow. The cool morning breeze gently brushed through my hair and caressed my face. I thought back to the time when I was in Africa with my parents and we would sometimes watch as the sun rose over the little tribal village we stayed at. My parents…tears came to my eyes as I thought of them. I remember how my mother would always make me feel safe and loved whenever she smiled and held me. There was a certain look in her eyes, a warm look that I couldn't help but smile over. She was a loving, kind person. My dad was the same but always involved with his experiments. If I hadn't had been infected with the Sakutia virus, I would have been the spitting image of my father. Blonde hair, blue eyes…beautiful white skin. My left hand reached for the outer inside of my right shoe and brought out a small dagger. I store long and hard at it. The sunlight seemed to make the blade dance and my eyes traced the sharp edges. It had been a gift from my parents before they died. My mother protested against having one at such a young age, but since we were living in Africa (even if it was only temporary) my father thought it was good idea and taught me how to use it properly. I guess he intended the dagger to be like a back-up plan in case my shape shifting powers failed to work. Good thinking on his part. I had another use for it though. It was an accident the first time it happened, but it felt good. Almost like all my pain had vanished with just a little scratch. After that, it just became a habit to me. Normally, I'd do it in my room but I figured it wouldn't hurt to do it outside and watch the sun rise. This way I can feel at peace. I held the dagger with my left hand and pressed the blade against my right arm. Ordinarily, I would use my right hand. But ever since that incident in the bathroom this morning, it hurt to even move my fingers. The blade slowly slid across and I watched as my uniform sliced open and the thick, crimson blood emerge from the cut. I watched with interest as my blood slowly fell down my arm. My hand, unconsciously, brought the dagger to my right leg and repeated the process. The sound of the uniform ripping wasn't what interested me the most. What my ears found really fascinating, however, was the sound of my flesh cutting open. My nose favored the smell of my own blood and sea air combined. My emerald eyes danced at the sight of crimson liquid trailing down its own path, hoping to find an end and pool. My heart desired for more but I could feel my lids start to close and my elfin ears droop down.

Sadness clouded my face. I couldn't help but think of my parents every time I defiled my body in this manner. I knew they would be disappointed in me for my actions; I was. I hated myself for allowing me to continue with it every morning. Something inside me kept forcing me to do this. It was the raw anger and hatred I felt. Ever since I became 'Beast Boy,' people have always treated me differently. There were people who feared me, probably thinking I was a mutant or monster. Some hated and mocked me, abusing me and passing me off as the 'freak of nature.' To tell the truth, only four people in my life had treated me with respect and didn't make me feel like a…well, like a freak. My mom and dad. They still loved me, even after what I had become, and they weren't afraid to call me their son. Rita Farr, a.k.a. Elasti-Girl of the Doom Patrol, took me in and cared for me after my parents died. She became a second mother to me and wasn't at all frightened by my appearance. If she was, she was good at hiding it. Lastly, Cyborg. He and I have grown to become the best of friends, though we never told each other. He's become almost like a brother to me. Defending me when I'm not around, cheering me up when I feel depressed (which rarely happens), playing with me, just giving me the attention I want. He sees me as a kid, not as a green 'thing' hiding his pain and misery from the world behind a smile and laugh. The salty air hit my new wounds causing them to sting a little. Waking from my daze, I noticed that the sun had fully risen above the horizon, meaning I've been sitting out here for a little over an hour. I found my dagger lying on the rock behind me. I must have set it down without even thinking about it. I pick it up and wipe the blood off causing the blade to shimmer and dance again against the sunlight. Sheathing it back in my shoe, I couldn't help but wonder why I never seemed to slice my foot against the blade. Or at least slice a tiny hole in my sock. A question better left for another day, I figured. As long as I wasn't walking on blood, I'm fine. I stood up and made my way back to the tower I called home, all the time wondering what the other titans thought of me. It was obvious that Raven found me to be a pest, nothing more than a fly buzzing around her head constantly. Starfire is naïve, if anything. I know she means well and she's good company, but to her, I'm probably annoying as well. I'm sure she doesn't find my jokes that funny. Instead, I think she's just humoring me so she doesn't hurt my feelings. Robin's kind of hard to determine. There are times when he acts like he's my best friend. Caring and playing around with me, he even prefers me as a sparring partner as opposed to the others. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But there are times when he blames me for everything and acts like a real pain in the ass. I guess he figures I'm annoying too. As for Cyborg…I really hope he doesn't think of me as a nuisance, but I'm positive he does. I envied the dead. At least they wouldn't have to deal with the pains from living. I would wish to myself everyday that a villain would just stab, shoot, or even kill me. But everyday the Titans made sure that didn't happen. It was the last thing they wanted, I guess. I couldn't figure out why though. I could easily kill myself. It wouldn't be that hard. Just stab myself in the right place and it'll all be over. All the pain would vanish and I could live in peace, right? That's how I thought it was. Once you die, the pain and suffering just…disappears.

So, why haven't I done it then?

-------------------------------------------------------

"_Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You won't try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me_

_I'm all alone_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

-------------------------------------------------------

I would have gone to my room to change into a new uniform, but unfortunately, Robin, Raven, and Starfire were crowded around my bedroom door, trying to get me to come out. They didn't even realize I was outside the entire time. I didn't want them to see me, especially with two new cuts to explain. I walked into the garage, hoping to be alone for a little longer. I just wanted some time to myself, to think about what's happened so far. I glanced at my surroundings. Tools and rags were oddly enough shattered on the ground by the T-Car. I shrugged it off, thinking that Cyborg had been down here working on his most prized creation. His 'baby,' he so often called it. I usually wouldn't step foot in the garage unless helping him. My feet started carrying me to the other side of the room. There was a spot that was pretty well hidden, not very big for my human structure, but big enough for a cat to curl up in. I stopped at the familiar corner. There was a large trash barrel in the corner and two tires leaned against it, creating a small fortress for me. My body began to blur as I shrank to cat form and limped inside my little spot. I had been down here many times before and felt extremely uncomfortable lying on the hard, cold cement. Making sure no one was around at the time I brought a towel and placed it on the ground inside the little fortress. It wasn't much but it was a lot warmer and softer to sleep on. Lying down, my tail curled next to me, I began licking my right paw. The blood had finally stopped pouring but the pain still remained. My ears perked at the sound of a 'tinking' noise, followed shortly by several heavy 'clanks.' Similar to a metal against metal sound. A shadow cast down just in front of me and I saw his head at the hole's entrance, his one red eye glowing at me.

"What are you doing in there, B?" He asked, his voice carrying a pleasant brotherly tone. His smile seemed comforting to me. "C'mon on out. I could use some help with the T-Car." He moved his head aside and I cautiously crept out. He was kneeling on the ground, still keeping his smile on me, as he watched my body morph once more to human. He stood back up and held his right hand out for mine, wanting to help me up. I'm sure he found it strange when I took his with my left instead of my right. Being one of the strongest Titans, his grasp on my hand was surprisingly gentle as he pulled me up.

"So, you going to tell me what's going on with you?" He asked, turning his back to me and walking back to his 'baby.'

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on." I replied, trying to sound sure of myself.

"Come on, B.B. You don't expect me to fall for that, now do you?" He said once he reached his car and turned back to me, motioning with his head for me to come over to him. I obeyed and walked up to him. "First, we hear a shatter and run to the bathroom only to find you covered with blood, standing with glass at your feet. Next, you take off at a dead run leaving bloody prints behind. Then, I see you morph into a cat and hide in that little corner. And now, you've got two new injuries, one on your arm and the other on your leg. Don't tell me everything's fine when I can clearly see pain in your eyes?" He responded as my head hung down. How was I going to explain myself now? I looked into his eyes and found only a look of pity reflect back at me. Something curled in my stomach that told me he knew. Somehow he knew my dark secret.

"Beast Boy, what are you doing to yourself? Why would you even think about doing this?" His voice sounded worried, and scared. I closed my eyes, hoping to find an answer to those questions myself. Nothing came to me. "You're only causing more pain and grief in your life. What you're doing proves just how idiotic you really are!" He screamed. My heart told me he was only worried about my well-being. My eyes started to well up and soon the hot tears flowed down. My ears drooping in regret for what I had done. I could feel his eyes glaring at me in disappointment. My stomach knotted as every emotion, save one, suddenly left my body. The raw anger that made me do this to myself remained and had me in a corner, trying to convince me to do it, to be done with it, to end it all. Cyborg's ranting began fading from my ears as I felt my body sinking further away from him. This demon inside me, this 'beast' of pure hatred, was winning. My eyes snapped open as I felt Cyborg shaking my shoulders furiously, a look of rage in his eyes as he glared at my tear stricken face. Seeing him like this caused me to panic again. Escaping his grasp, I ran again, hearing him call after me. Making my way upstairs, I finally saw my bedroom door up ahead. Lucky for me, the others were long gone.

-------------------------------------------------------

"_Please, please forgive me_

_But I won't be home again_

_I know what you do to yourself_

_I breathe deep and cry out_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

-------------------------------------------------------

It had been an hour since Cyborg and I had our little 'talk.' I lay down on my top bunk, my face buried in my pillow. My tears had finally stopped after some time and my eyes were now red. Lifting my head up, I rested my chin on the soft pillow. My mind wondered from the events of today. Mainly focused on what Cyborg had said. Why was I doing this? It started as an accident but turned into a regular routine. My head pounded as I continued to search for an answer. I should have stopped when I had the chance, but seeing that blood…my blood. I longed for more.

_It felt good, didn't it?_ A voice asked. It sounded dark and sent a cold shiver down my spine.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" I demanded, calling out into the darkness of my room. I sat up in my bed, my eyes scanning for whoever made themselves welcomed. I saw no one.

_You enjoy the pain you cause to yourself. I know you do._

"Who are you?" My voice softens, almost like I was scared of this person. I climbed down my bunk ladder, stepping lightly onto the hard floor.

_I'm the cause of your torture. Everything you do to yourself is because of me._ The voice chuckled, mocking my every move.

"But why? Why do you do this to me?"

_You're in pain, dear child. You want it to end, don't you?_

"More than anything."

_I can help you rid yourself of the pain and suffering. I can save you._

"Please. Tell me who you are?"

_I am the thing that you fear the most. I am your pure anger and hatred. I keep you awake at night. I'm the thing that makes you demand for the sight of your own blood. I'm the beast behind your smiles and laughter. _I spun around in circles, looking for the source. My eyes stopped and fell upon my reflection in my mirror.

_I am you. The beast inside the boy._ My eyes widen as I watched my own reflection grinning evilly at me. Cuts were all over his body, blood pouring down. There was a huge open gash across his forehead that didn't seem to want to stop bleeding. His arms and legs looked as though someone had ripped the skin off, exposing only muscles and bones. A dagger was lodged into his torso, from the look of it just below his ribcage. A long slice was found on his neck. It looked as if his head would fall off it he made just one swift move. His uniform was torn to shreds and one of his elfin ears looked like someone had cut it off. The thing that scared me the most, however, was his eyes. His dull, emerald pools which seemed to hold pure rage and evil, but something else I longed for…I didn't see any pain in his eyes.

"You can't be me. You're…you're all…"

_All what? Grotesque looking? Believe it or not, I am you. Your pain, your misery, and your savior._

"No, I know you're not. You're nothing more than a figment. Just something my mind made up to scare me. You're not me!"

_Whatever you say. Live your life suffering. It just makes me feel better._ His grinning smile bore its way into my head and latched on. I felt helpless.

"Tell me. What do I do?" My voice weakened under his gaze.

_You know what to do. You've thought about it for quite some time now._ He stopped and watched as I stood there, soaking it all in. _Kill yourself. Rid your body and mind of the pain and suffering you've had to endure since becoming who you are._

"But…my friends. They-"

_You don't really think they're your friends, do you? You're nothing more than a pest to them. A bother. A nuisance. You mean nothing to them, and you know it._ I could feel my heart sinking as I realized how right my reflection was. I was nothing more than an annoyance to them. None of them really cared about me. _Do it, and relieve yourself of the suffering. Kill yourself._ I nodded to my double in the mirror.

"I'll do it." I closed my eyes, allowing only a few tears to fall down from my lids. I opened them and discovered the image of myself had vanished, only to be replaced with my own reflection this time. My mind raced on what to do next. I couldn't just leave the Titans without saying goodbye, but I couldn't face them. Not now. Especially Cyborg. I walked over to my desk and began writing a letter. My final words to the people who took me in, to Cyborg…my friends. When I finish it, I'll put it in Cyborg's room. I'm sure he won't discover until midnight. By then, I'll be long gone.

-------------------------------------------------------

"_Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You won't try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me_

_I'm all alone_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_

-------------------------------------------------------

I stood on the fishing docks, overlooking Titan's Tower. The day was just about over with. I watched as the sun set, emitting an unhealthy orange glow. The breeze from this morning still lingered and brushed through my green hair. My forest green eyes sparkled as tears welled up. The salty sea air made my nose twitch. I bent down and reached inside my shoe, producing the dagger once more. I straightened my back and held it against the setting sun's light. The blade looked inviting, almost like it beckoned to me. My mind recapped on the events in my room. Seeing my demonic beast that dwelled inside me. He had cornered me, persuaded me to end my life, and I gave in. I glanced up at the clouds overhead.

"Mother, father… please, forgive me. I can't keep living in a world that rejects me. I can't live in a world that brings me only pain and suffering. I want to be with you two. With the people who love me, who care for me, who take away all my grieving. I'm sorry I'm such a disgrace and a disappointment to you. I love you. Please, please, forgive me." Tiny streams fell from my green orbs as I begged to the skies. My ears drooped and I lowered my eyes to the 'T' structure sitting on its island. The shape of the building stood with a sense of pride, proud to have such heroes and heroines residing inside it. I could see the waves lightly crashing against its surface but I could only hear the waves near me, drowning out every other sound to my sensitive ears. I secretly wished I could tell them goodbye in person. I knew I couldn't though. Cyborg surely told the others by now about my little secret. I couldn't face them knowing that they didn't truly respect me. Knowing that they didn't even like me, but instead found me as annoying. They couldn't understand my actions. I was merely a misunderstood youth taking all the wrong directions in life. I only wished there was at least one person who valued my existence. It seemed that everyone who ever really cared for me ended up dead. I didn't want that, not for anyone, be them good or evil. That's why I cut myself. The Titans were my only family now. If something happened to them, I don't think I could go on. Becoming 'Beast Boy' has been nothing but a curse. It caused my parents, the Doom Patrol, and everyone in between to get hurt in some way. I didn't want that for the Titans. They were my family, my friends, and my life. I'm a walking disease to anyone. A curse waiting to be unleashed upon the world. I need people in my life, but I don't want to be the cause of their downfall. I sighed as my thoughts ventured on each individual titan.

Starfire. My only alien friend. She wasn't the brightest in the group, but she always meant well. So full of joy and happiness. I enjoyed her company and loved her like a sister. Her heart was so kind and gentle. Though she would never admit it, being the modest type she is, she was indeed quite beautiful…for an alien.

Robin. Our fearless leader with a serious obsession problem over Slade. Despite him always breathing down the back of my neck and making me feel worthless, he was a good guy. He never mentioned anything about his past, then again, none of us did. But we, or rather I, eventually did and kept it from the others. I thought it would be best if no one knew. When I found out though, I respected him more and came to idolize him.

Raven. The dark beauty that owned my heart. I never told her I loved her, and by the look of things, I never will. We never really seemed to get along, but she always seemed like a good friend to me. I enjoyed annoying her. Seeing those flames in her eyes made her look kind of cute. Don't get me wrong, it freaked the hell out of me too. But something about her mysterious, spiritual nature attracted me to her.

Cyborg. My only best friend. He seemed to understand me the most. He knew what it felt like to have the world reject you based solely on your appearance. He knew me better than anyone else. He remembered everything I told him and paid attention to me when no one else would. He's a good friend, almost brother material to me. My ears drooped as I thought of him. I knew that when he would finally discover that letter he wouldn't rest until he found my body. Alive or dead. I looked down at my dagger, still in my hand. I could feel my heart sink until it found a place in my stomach. I grasped the handle tightly with both hands, pointing the tip of the blade straight at my stomach. If my heart was there, that's what I wanted to pierce. I looked at the sunset one last time, inhaled deeply, and closed my eyes. Time seemed to last forever as I felt the demonic beast inside me raise my arms and swiftly bring them down. The dagger stuck itself in my stomach and my eyes shot open in pain. I bit my bottom lip, praying that it would soon stop. I gasped for air as I looked down at the crime I had committed. My hands were now stained with my blood. Breathing became a difficult task for me as tears flowed freely down my face. My uniform was now covered in my blood and my vision started to blur. I was beginning to feel lightheaded and soon lost my balance. Being to close to the edge of the docks though, I fell into the ocean water. Inside my mind I could hear him laughing. The beast inside me, laughing at me. Laughing at what he had done. Laughing, because he knew he won and killed me. My body started weakening and my lids begged to be closed. I watched as air bubbles escaped my mouth and the blood…my blood…leave my body. The sun's light had reflected in the water and gave a serene, peaceful look. I was losing consciousness. I could feel my body giving in, delivering my peace I so longed for. My last air bubble left my mouth. Soon, I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Soon, I'll be long gone. The sound of a heavy 'splash' reached my ears and just before my lids closed, I saw a light. His light. His bright, blue light and one red eye.

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"_And if I bleed_

_I'll be knowing you don't care_

_And if I sleep_

_Just to dream of you_

_I'll wake without you there_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't something…"_

-------------------------------------------------------

I groaned as my eyes slowly opened. My vision was still blurred and my mind had blanked. My ears picked up the hums and beeps of a machine. I turned my head to look at the source but soon found extreme pain run throughout my entire body.

"Serves you right." A voice softly spoke. Turning my attention ahead, I saw a blurry figure. It was too fuzzy to make out, but the familiar 'hum' of his cybernetic body was enough for me to realize who my visitor was. My vision began to clear up and I saw his features more vividly now. The blue glow of his machine parts shone on me and accented nicely against his ebony human skin. His towering figure loomed over me and his eyes held more pain than my own. It was faint, but I could see that he had been crying. Tear streaks were found on his face and his human eye had a small red tint to it.

"Why did you do it, Beast Boy?" He asked, his voice cracking with grief. I guess the fact that someone he knew tried to commit suicide put a lot of pressure on him.

"Cyborg…" I started, finding myself short of breath. It was still a difficult task for me. "I'm sorry." Tears welled in my eyes as I could sense his heart falling. "I couldn't…deal with the pain, I was in. I jus-just wanted it to go away. I figured, if I was…such a nuis-nuisance to everyone, no one would miss me." I choked out. "I'm so sorry." The tears numbly fell as I closed my eyes. All I wanted was the pain to stop. I wanted my friends to be safe. I wanted to feel accepted and loved. All I wanted was someone to love me. Someone I could trust and tell all my problems to. I felt his hand wipe away my hot tears. I looked at him with hope.

"I don't think of you as a nuisance. Sure, you get on my nerves sometimes, but the truth of the matter remains, you're the best friend I ever had. You understand me, just like I understand you. Whatever problems you're going through, I'll be there to help you. I'd miss you if you suddenly left us, and I don't think I would ever get over it. You're my best friend, and the little brother I never had." He leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear. "I didn't tell the others. It'll just be our little secret. A secret between friends." He pulled his head back and looked into my eyes. "I'm here for you." His smile was contagious and warm. I had been blind this whole time. In front of me was someone willing to listen and help me, but instead I took a shorter route to solve problems and ended up causing more pain and suffering. I smiled at my friend and my tired eyes closed, leaving him standing there to watch me regain my strength. As I slept, I was sure he would go back to his room and re-read the letter I wrote. The words on the paper were still burned into my mind and I thought about them as I slept peacefully.

_Dear Cyborg,_

_Please, please forgive me. I won't be coming home ever again. I figured that living when I was obviously not appreciated was a waste. Maybe someday our paths will meet again and you'll see me being a cheerful teenager, the way I always lied to you. I'm sorry about all this. I just wish you could understand why I'm doing this. I'm in pain, and I've convinced myself that there's only one way to end it all. To rid the suffering and rejection I've endured since becoming 'Beast Boy' to the world. There is a beast inside me, and he demands blood. My blood. I've given into him and tonight at sunset, I will deliver what he wants. I'm going to kill myself to satisfy the world, the beast, and myself. I'll no longer be in pain. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm finally long gone and the Titans can live in peace without "the nuisance" around to bother you. _

_Besides, it's not like I'll be missed._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Garfield Logan _

_a.k.a. "Beast Boy"_

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"_Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You won't try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me_

_I'm all alone_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"_


	4. T: Never Let Go

Author's Note: This is the sequel to Missing. To tell the truth, I wasn't going to write a sequel (mainly because sequels are rarely better than the first one) but thanks to one reviewer I decided "What the hell. I'll do it." It took quite a while to find the right song for this story; trust me. So you can imagine how relieved I was when I found this one. I hope you all enjoy this sequel and be expecting the next story soon. Hopefully, soon. I'm not making any promises.

Check out my DeviantArt homepage for some screenshots of this story and other pieces.

This story is dedicated to **Shadow Avenger**. Thanks for the review and inspiration to write this sequel. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I only own this story.

Teen Titans © DC, CN, & Warn. Bros.

"Never Let Go" (song) © Josh Groban

* * *

**Never Let Go**

Written by: BBVixen

Three days had gone by since the whole incident with Beast Boy. He was finally able to leave the tower's medical room yesterday and I haven't taken my eyes off of him since. Well, except for when he uses the bathroom. He's on his own in there, but I'm always right outside waiting for him when he's done. I didn't want him to think I didn't trust him. I just wanted to protect him. I knew if Robin ever found out about the green boy's suicide attempt he would surely flip. He might even go as far as kicking him off the team, but I highly doubt he'll make such an extreme decision. In the end, he'd probably just sit down and talk to the little shape shifter. I didn't want to take that risk though, so I kept it a secret. Trust me; it wasn't easy trying to keep it a secret either. I sat on my bed holding a small shoebox. Inside were things I had collected since becoming a Titan, mostly pictures of the others. With all that's happened over the past week I really came to realize just how fortunate I was to have such great friends. I just sort of stared at the contents inside until my eyes caught one photo in particular. My hand numbly picked it up and a smile instantly crept on my lips.

It was a picture taken a few months back. Starfire went crazy with her camera, taking pictures left and right of everything. Beast Boy decided to play a little prank on her when she insisted on taking a picture of us and I joined him. His initial plan was to ruin the photo in a hilarious way, so he handed me some soda pop and told me to chug it down. He downed his first and I immediately caught on to his plan. I gulped mine quickly just as Starfire came up to us with her camera in her hands. Everything was set. I stood next to Beast Boy, huge grins on our faces, and we watched as our alien friend held up her camera. Just when she said "Say cheese," Beast Boy and I let out huge burps that oddly enough shook the whole tower. Star's finger accidentally pressed the button and the picture was taken. She scolded us afterward, but when the pictures came in she was laughing her side off upon seeing our faces. We all did; Raven might have giggled as well. Beast Boy apologized, of course, and we took a nicer picture for Starfire. In exchange, she gave me the 'burp photo.' Holding that photo seemed to open up all the memories, good and bad, but I noticed that most of them were of Beast Boy. To make things even weirder, he was smiling in all of the pictures except one.

I looked at it and my eyes seemed to widen. It was a picture of Starfire and Robin hugging each other in the Operations Room. Raven was sitting on the couch, with her tea, looking at the two with a slight smile on her face and Beast Boy was standing by the large windows, probably staring at the ocean, looking extremely lost in his thoughts. I never thought to question it at the time but I had enough reason to do so now upon seeing the day it was taken; one day after I'd been infected with the Enzone Virus, thanks to him. Beast Boy had changed after that day. He became very distant from the rest of us, and eerily quiet. It freaked us all out, especially when we noticed his eyes. They were usually full of life and sparkled like crazy, but after what had happened they sort of seemed dead and glazed over. I closed my eyes. He had been hurting since then and I couldn't even see it; some best friend I turned out to be. I couldn't even stop him from trying to kill himself three days ago.

* * *

"_I can't understand it_

_The search for an answer is met with a darker day_

_And we've been handed these moments forever_

_But I'm reassured there's another way"

* * *

_

_Flashback- Titan's Tower, three days ago _

I walked into my room and let out a sigh. Robin had asked me to train with him, seeing as to how he couldn't find Beast Boy. I found it a bit strange actually. The kid was usually playing video games or bothering Raven, but Rob said he wasn't anywhere in the Tower. He probably just went out to clear his head a bit. After all, he did seem kind of freaked out when I was yelling at him earlier. Maybe I should have apologized to him. I looked around my room.

"Good. Nothing's missing." I said to myself. Ever since Beast Boy snuck in the other day wanting to play his advance copy of Mega Monkeys 4 and accidentally infecting me with that virus, I've been a little weary of leaving my room knowing he can just walk in. He was my best friend and all, and I did trust him, it's just I became more conscious of what he could do. I let out a yawn and my human eyelid started to feel a bit heavy.

"Maybe a quick nap first, then I'll find the little squirt." I walked over to my bed and stopped. My eyes instantly widened as I saw a folded piece of paper laying neatly on top my bed. It was a real surprise to find it, that's for sure. Curiosity got the better of me as I picked it up, opened it, and read its contents.

_Dear Cyborg,_

_Please, please forgive me. I won't be coming home ever again. I figured that living when I was obviously not appreciated was a waste. Maybe someday our paths will meet again and you'll see me being a cheerful teenager, the way I always lied to you. I'm sorry about all this. I just wish you could understand why I'm doing this. I'm in pain, and I've convinced myself that there's only one way to end it all. To rid the suffering and rejection I've endured since becoming 'Beast Boy' to the world. There is a beast inside me, and he demands blood. My blood. I've given into him and tonight at sunset, I will deliver what he wants. I'm going to kill myself to satisfy the world, the beast, and myself. I'll no longer be in pain. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm finally long gone and the Titans can live in peace without "the nuisance" around to bother you. _

_Besides, it's not like I'll be missed._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Garfield Logan _

_a.k.a. "Beast Boy"_

"Beast Boy." I numbly whispered, my eyes wide and full of tears. I dropped the note and ran out of my room, heading straight for his. I was hoping to find him there, but after thirty-something knocks on his door and screaming his name throughout the tower, I couldn't find him. I eventually found myself standing outside the Tower, looking at the city before me. Tears had already begun streaming down my face. I was about to lose the best friend I ever had and I had no way to stop him. My knees gave out and I collapse to the ground, silently crying for the green boy. Suddenly, a blinding light was shone coming from the docks. I strained my eyes to see past the strange light. I saw him standing there and from the look of it, he was holding something up to the sun. "I'm not too late." Within seconds, I too, was standing on the docks, just watching him. I very slightly smiled in satisfaction of knowing he had not gone through with his letter. That is… until I saw what he was holding. No matter how much I tried to run to him, my body just seemed frozen to that one spot. I was silently praying that he would come to his senses and go back to the tower, but instead he grabbed the hilt of dagger with both gloved hands and raised it up to the level of his face. I watched with pleading eyes, still unable to move my legs, as he licked his dry lips and looked to the heavens above him.

"I'm sorry." I barely heard him say as the blade was swiftly thrust into himself by his own hands. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. My eyes widen in disbelief as I watched him gasping for air.

"BEAST BOY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Finally finding the strength in my legs, I ran towards him. A single tear rolled down his cheek just before his legs gave out and sent him splashing into the ocean waters below him. Once I reached the edge where he once stood, my instincts took over and I jumped in after him. The cold water soon rushed over me as I saw the green boy sinking further away from me. His wound had started seeping his blood throughout the ocean. It wouldn't be long before a passing shark picked up on the scent and came towards us, ready for its dinner. I reached my hand out for him just as his last bubble of air escaped his lips. Grabbing his limp hand, I pulled him next to me and wrapped my right arm under his arms and around his chest; making sure I had a firm grip on the small boy. I swam toward the surface and soon we were both greeted by the sun's setting light. I grabbed the edge of the dock and hoisted the both of us up, laying Beast Boy down on his back. Pressing my ear to his chest, I listened carefully for a heartbeat. All was quiet as I waited. The black leathered hilt in front of my eyes seemed to be taunting me; laughing as though it were proud of its murderous action. My mind cursed it to the depths of hell. Oh, how I wanted to pull that weapon out of my fallen friend, but I knew doing that would only result in a quicker death of blood loss. That is, if he wasn't dead already. After one painstaking minute of listening and watching the leather bound handle, the soft sound an extremely low pulse came through. I looked at his face, fear clearly showing on mine. An evening wind gently brushed through his wet hair as beads of water, or possibly a tear, slid down his face. There was a slight cut on his forehead that was spilling a tiny amount of blood. My mind raced with thoughts and doubts. How I wished this was just a terrible nightmare and I would soon wake up. I wished for that so much. I brought my metallic fingers up to his face.

"If this is a dream…" my voice shook, "I wouldn't be able to feel him." Taking a deep breath, I gently stroked his left cheek. "Oh God." I numbly said, tears finally falling down my face. I felt him. His familiar skin, the droplets of water… this wasn't a dream. I gently cupped his left cheek in my right hand, hoping for his eyes to open upon feeling my warmth, but nothing. I lost my ability to speak and formless words spilled out of my mouth as I cried towards the heavens. I begged him to wake, but again, nothing. I only had one chance to save him. Carefully picking him up in my arms, I quickly made my way back to the tower. His blood was spilling on me and the pungent aroma of it caused me to gag. I didn't care. All that mattered to me was saving the younger Titan, my best friend… my little brother.

_End Flashback

* * *

_

"_You don't have to close your eyes_

_There is room for love again_

_Ease the pain to realize all that love can be_

_Forced apart by time and sand_

_Take a step and take my hand_

_And don't let it go_

_Never let go"

* * *

_

I wiped away the tear that had fallen from my eye. You know that old saying, "Time heals all wounds?" Whoever said that obviously didn't witness their best friend try to kill himself. No amount of time would ever change the damage done and I knew that all too well. Ever since that day, Beast Boy and I weren't on speaking terms. Hell, we weren't even looking at each other anymore! I couldn't see or speak to him after that incident and he was probably haunted by the fact that I was there to watch him commit the act. Whatever the reason may be for him, I promised him in the Medical Room that I wouldn't tell anyone and if he ever wanted to talk I would always be there for him. I guess he just didn't want to talk to me about his problems. I looked back at all the various things the shoebox held and stuck my finger inside, pushing some old pictures aside. One photo in particular caught my eyes and I picked it up. Staring at it, I felt a smile pull at the corner of my mouth.

It was taken during the time the Titans had first formed. We had just finished building the tower and to commemorate the "special occasion," Robin wanted us all to take a group picture. Raven was the only one to object but thanks to a certain green boy grabbing her cape and pleading like a five-year-old, she finally caved in and stood with us in front of the Tower. In the picture, Robin stood in the middle with his arms crossed and a smile on his face. Starfire was standing to his left with her arms around his neck. Even though they were smiling, you could obviously see the slight blush in their cheeks. Raven was on Robin's right. It took some convincing from all of us to make her put her hood down; even more convincing to get her to smile. It was worth it though in the end. She had a beautiful smile. It had a warm feeling to it and it just… just… I can't even describe it, but ever since that day Beast Boy had been trying to get her to smile more often. He told us one day that it should be a crime to hide a smile. It was probably the wisest thing he had ever said to us and he was right. Since I was the tallest of the group I stood in the back. My right hand was placed on Raven's shoulder. She didn't seem to mind. After our little chat on that alien ship and telling her that she fit in just fine, we became pretty good friends. My eyes looked to the green boy in our group. He sat on the ground in front of everyone, a huge grin plastered on his face. I softly chuckled. He had been the most excited of the group at the time. We figured it was because he was around people his own age instead of those old fossils on the Doom Patrol.

I thought back to when we first met. After Robin went after Star, Raven and I just kind of went our own ways, leaving the ex-Doom Patrol member alone. The four of us, except Beast Boy, never really considered working together. To us, that one moment was going to be the only moment. But the kid insisted on hanging out with someone. He tried to team with Robin, but was turned down due to the boy's wanting to go solo. Raven turned down his pizza offer, which I'm still trying to understand that. You don't just turn down a pizza, especially if someone else pays for it. So, he just followed behind me for a while, asking all sorts of questions. My response to his friendliness was yelling at him and giving him the cold shoulder. After telling him I was in an accident and now I was a 'cyborg,' he was just all fascinated by me. He never saw me as a monster or a freak of science as everyone else did. Looking back on that moment, I guess I judged him a little too quickly. After the tower was built, I remember walking outside to look at the city's night lights. Imagine my surprise when I saw Beast Boy down by the edge of the little island, doing exactly what I wanted to do.

* * *

"_Broken, once connected_

_We were so strong and so blessed in a simple way_

_So don't let me go it alone"

* * *

_

_Flashback- Outside the newly constructed Titan's Tower_

The sun had already set and the night sky had blanketed over Jump City, but the green kid didn't seem to care. He just sat on the island's shore, staring out at the city. He didn't even seem to mind when drops of water from the ocean splashed onto his skin and uniform. I stood by the tower's large doors, just watching him. His green hair was gently blowing in the salty air. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. Slowly and quietly, I walked over to him. I was sure he wouldn't hear me, what with being so close to the waves crashing against the shore and all. I was about four feet away from the small boy when I noticed his elf-like ears twitch, causing me to stop dead in my tracks.

"What's up, Cyborg?" He said calmly. It actually sounded like he was tired if anything.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked with great curiosity. "You didn't even look." He looked over his shoulder at me.

"I did now." He smiled. "Have you already forgotten what I can do?" All I could do was stare at him with a blank face.

"Uhh… I know you're a shape shifter." I smiled nervously. He laughed at my answer.

"So you give the classic answer. Good choice." He laughed again. Obviously he had been through this same situation before. He turned his attention back towards the city, a smile on his green face. "In answer to your question, I heard your footsteps. Not to mention, I CAN smell you. Of course it was a bit difficult to smell you with all the other aromas in the air."

"Did you really?" I said in disbelief. He just nodded his head, eyes never leaving the city. I smiled at him in amazement. His abilities were truly… well, amazing. My smile quickly vanished as I thought about this. If his senses were heightened to that of any animals', then what was he? An animal or human? I swallowed those thoughts away. "Mind if I sit out here with you?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me again.

"No, not at all." He said, a slight smile appearing on his young face before looking at the city again. I sat next to him on the cold ground. Neither of us said a word. I was too lost in my thoughts about the green boy, so I said the first thing I could think of.

"Sorry I yelled at you when we first met. It's just-"

"Dude, don't worry about it. I understand. You're not the only one who's been in an accident." He said. I looked down at him, confusion written all over my face.

"You mean… you were in an accident too?" He nodded, his gaze lowering down. "What happened?"

"I got sick when I was in Africa with my parents." I looked at him again just as he pulled his legs close to his chest. He paused for a minute, probably trying to hold back the tears. "They saved my life, but as a result I look the way I do now."

"You must be upset at them for ruining your life then, aren't you?"

"No," he shook his head and glanced up at me. "I love and respect them even more now." I saw a single tear roll down his jade skin. I turned away from his gaze.

"But look at yourself. Don't you feel at least a little angry for what they did to you? Don't you get upset when people call you a freak?" I asked in disbelief. He had to agree with me. After all, we were physically different than everybody else.

"No, I don't." He said. "I mean, sure I hate it when people call me a 'freak,' but if it weren't for my parents changing me… I wouldn't even be here. Besides, I always loved animals. Now, it's like I'm one of them." A fang shone in the moonlight as he smiled innocently. I hadn't known him that long and despite his age, he was right. I never really looked at it that way before. He saw his appearance as a different outlook on life; that everybody else was missing out on something great. His response took me by surprise. I suddenly became extremely interested in the small boy.

"How did it all happen?" I asked him numbly.

"Tell you what. I'll tell you my story, if you tell me yours. Deal?" He stuck his hand out, hoping to seal our agreement. I just watched his eyes. His emerald pools just seemed to catch every star in the night sky. It was actually kind of soothing and gave me a feeling of comfort. I felt like I could really relate and trust this small boy. I smiled at him and took his hand. "Deal."

We stayed up for hours telling each other our stories before the cold air finally got to us and we decided to go to bed. The others were fast asleep in their own rooms as Beast Boy and I quietly walked by each team mate's door. We eventually stopped at his room. His door slid open and I got a good look inside his room. The walls were painted a beautiful green color; slightly darker than his skin but lighter than his hair. Straight across from the door was his bunk bed. We often wandered why he insisted on a bunk bed, but he told us it kind of had a jungle gym feeling to it; we couldn't argue with that. The window was to the left of the door, same with his closet and desk. It looked pretty tidy to tell the truth. A little too tidy for a mere teenager. Not a single thing was out of place. I couldn't even detect a single speck of dust, even with my scanners.

"Hey, Cyborg?" He turned around to look at me. Even inside, his eyes just seemed to sparkle as if the stars were still in his eyes. "Thanks. You're probably the first person to ever hear about my past. You aren't… going to tell anyone, are you?" His voice sounded a bit fearful at the end. I smiled at him and placed my right hand on his head, ruffling his forest green hair.

"Relax kiddo. I won't tell anyone if you won't. Our pasts are our secrets." He grinned and let out a little laugh as I continued to mess up his hair. I pulled my hand back and he gazed up at me with his sparkling, green eyes. I couldn't help but smile at his eyes. They were just so full of life, innocence, and boyish charm. He yawned. "Time for bed, B.B. I'll see you in the morning." He nodded and tiredly stumbled to his bed.

"Nighty night, Cyborg." I heard him say just before his door closed. I made my way to my room. I never would have imaged that he and I would have so much in common. One thing's for sure; he's probably the best friend I ever had. I'd probably never tell him though.

_End Flashback

* * *

_

"_Turn your head up to the sky_

_Nothing down below but me_

_Face the truth to realize all that we could be_

_Torn apart by rage and fear_

_Hold on to what brought you here_

_Don't let it go_

_Never let go"

* * *

_

I smiled at what had happened that night and suddenly remembered how later that night I was woken from my slumber by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Sure enough, it was Beast Boy. I had expected a smiling face but was instead greeted by tearful eyes and a look of fear. When I asked what was wrong he just threw his arms around me as his tears fell. He mumbled some words I couldn't quite understand. Once he calmed down though, he said that he had a nightmare about the day his parents had died. However, after watching their deaths the green boy turned and killed the other Titans. That alone freaked him out. I picked him up and carried him back to his room. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I felt his tiny body tremble. It scared me seeing him like that. By the time we got to his room, he was fast asleep. When I opened his door his room was a total disaster; clothes, paper, various knick-knacks, feathers from his pillow lay everywhere. In the morning, he told me that the state of his room was because of his nightmare. I felt sorry for the poor kid. He was raised all alone in this world with nothing or nobody to comfort him. Everyone who he cared for ended up either abandoning him or dead. It saddened me to think that even though he had been through so much pain in his life he still managed to keep a smiling face and open heart. I sighed deeply. I wanted to apologize so badly for everything that's happened to him, but could never actually gather up the courage to do so. Besides, he hates when people apologize to him upon hearing his past. He told me the night we were sitting outside the Tower that the last thing he ever wanted from anyone was pity.

The sound of knocking echoed throughout my room. It was very quiet and short. I almost didn't even hear it. I waited for what seemed like several minutes, when in reality was only about Twenty seconds, hoping that my ears weren't deceiving me. The short knocks on my door sounded again followed by a small sniffling. I looked at the door and got off my bed, placing the shoebox where I once sat. I quietly walked over to the door and stopped. Placing my ear against it, I confirmed what I heard earlier. Someone was indeed on the opposite side, but… sniffling? Stepping back, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever problem the other Titans had. If it was Robin, it was a problem about Slade or a dream of Starfire. If it was Star, probably a bad dream. If Raven was on the other side, she was probably concerned for Beast Boy. And since the little changeling wasn't talking to me since the incident, I didn't have to worry about seeing him. I opened the door and gasped; my eyes widened upon seeing the familiar green hair. His head was hung down low to avoid eye contact, but try as he may, he couldn't stop the tears from falling down. Slowly, he raised his head and looked at me. His once cheerful eyes were full of regret and sorrow. His jade skin was stained with tears. He inhaled deeply.

"Can we talk?" Beast Boy said in a weak voice. How long had he been crying? His beautiful, clear, emerald eyes were now stained with a small tint of red. His smiling face was replaced with a gloomy one. I could feel my heart breaking just by looking at him. I licked my dry lips, trying to hold back my own tears. In times like this, I had to be the strong one; the one who comforts a hurting friend, assuming we were still friends that is.

"Come on in." I told him, moving aside to let him enter. I wandered if letting him in was such a smart choice after all.

* * *

"_Turn your head up to the sky_

_Nothing down below_

_Don't let go"

* * *

_

I closed the door and took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. I felt a hard lump in the pit of my stomach. I knew why he was here and, uncomfortable as I may have felt, I was glad to see him. We needed to talk.

"Beast Boy," I turned around to face him. "I know why-" My eyes suddenly widened as a strong force pushed me back. I looked down and saw the green boy clinging on to me.

"Cyborg, I'm so sorry. I was… I didn't know you were there… I just… I'm so sorry! Please don't hate me. Don't be mad at me. I was doing what I thought was right. Please… I don't want to lose my best friend!" He cried, burying his face into me. I wrapped my arms around his little, trembling body. Tears were falling from my eye as I heard him plead over and over again. His words were tearing my heart apart. This silence among us had been hell to not only me, but him as well.

"It's alright B.B. Shh. Everything's going to be okay." I tried to soothe him as his painful tears flowed down. Still holding the small boy in my embrace, I gently stroked his soft hair with my right hand. I found that it helped him to relax more. A characteristic picked up from his animal side. His cries eventually stopped but a few tears managed to slip from his eyes. When only a tiny sniffle was left, I pushed the boy away from me and knelt on one knee to be at eye level with him. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look directly at me. Whether he wanted to talk to me was his decision, but there were just too many questions that needed an answer. I kept a firm but gentle grip on the green teen's arms. I didn't want him to run off, but I didn't want to hurt him either.

"Beast Boy, why did you do it?" I asked him softly, not wanting to scare him like I did in the garage the other day. "In your letter, you mentioned something about a… 'a beast.' What did you mean by that?" He looked up at me with a tear stained face.

"I don't know. One minute I'm in bed feeling upset and the next I'm standing in front of my mirror with this… 'thing,' telling me that I should… well, you know." His voice sounded raspy; strained, almost. "Cyborg, I'm just so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I never meant to actually do what I did. It was like someone else was controlling me. I would never want to hurt anyone. You're my best friend. Please, you got to believe me." He looked at me with hopeful eyes as his pleads started up again. Only this time he wasn't mumbling them into my chest. I breathed in deeply as I considered this. He had seemed depressed before his attempt. But if this 'beast' inside him was the one who convinced him to do it, maybe he was being controlled by it. I slowly exhaled as if that were my last breath, savoring it and hoping it wouldn't go.

"How could I ever be mad at you?" I said as my lips curved into a gentle smile. "You are, without a doubt, the best friend I ever had." He smiled and launched his tiny body onto mine. My arms wrapped around him. "Just promise me you won't do it ever again." A tear fell from my eye as I waited for his response. Instead, he broke our embrace and reached for inside his shoe. I raised an eyebrow as I tried to see what he was attempting to retrieve. He took my right hand and placed something in it. Withdrawing his own gloved hand, he gazed at me with a smile. I looked down and saw what he gave me. It was a small dagger. Everything about it was the same as the one lodged in his chest with exception of the hilt. The one he stabbed himself with had a black leather handle while this one had ivory elephants carved in it.

"I promise." He finally said. I gazed at him with confusion.

"I don't understand. How many daggers do you have?" I asked. His eyes widened as though he were confused himself. "The other one had a leather handle. This one has ivory elephants." He lightly chuckled.

"I took the leather off because it was covered with blood. Besides, it looks better this way."

"But why are giving it to me? Didn't your dad give this to you?"

"He did," he started, "but I want you to hold onto it for me. This way, you'll know I'll keep my promise." He smiled at me. His emerald eyes softly sparkled in my bedroom light. I grinned at the sight of his dancing orbs. The green boy I had come to known was back. I nodded to him and walked over to the shoe box still on my bed. I gently placed the dagger on top of the photos and stored the box in a shelf next to my computer. Once the shelf was locked, nobody could get to it except me. I turned around to see Beast Boy standing there, his friendly smile still on his lips.

"Come here, little brother." I said with open arms. He jumped into my embrace and stayed like that until he fell asleep. A cloud had been lifted as we both felt the pressure lifted off of us. I gently picked the boy up and carried him back to his room like I had before. On the way, I couldn't help but wander about this 'beast' he kept mentioning. The mere thought of such a horrid creature living inside this tiny, green body was absurd. Then again, Beast Boy and I did travel into Raven's mind and ended up fighting against her 'rage-self.' Maybe there was something bothering him deep down inside. Maybe I should ask Raven about it? She knows emotions better than anyone else I know. Or maybe… maybe I shouldn't ask. I glanced down and watched him sleep peacefully. A faint smile was on his lips. What was going on inside his head? Better question… what was going on with him?


	5. M: Animal I Have Become

Author's Note: This is the sequel to Never Let Go. It takes place after the episode "Wavelength." I had quite a few songs to choose from. They all had something I loved, but once I heard this song, I knew this was the perfect song for the story. Thank you to all those who reviewed the last two stories! You guys, and gals, make writing worth whiled.

**This story is dedicated to these people** (because they rock!):

-Shadow Avenger

-DigiCowboy

Disclaimer: I only own this story.

Teen Titans © DC, CN, & Warn.Bros.

"Animal I Have Become" © Three Days Grace

* * *

Animal I Have Become

Written by: BBVixen

I collapsed on the bottom bunk of my bed. My entire body ached from our previous mission. The Teen Titans were called to an underwater mission. As it turned out, Brother Blood had managed to steal Cyborg's Sonic Cannon blueprints when he hacked into the Hive Academy's main computer. It drove him crazy. I'd never seen him so mad. It was like watching Robin obsess over Slade, something I always hated to see. The mission wasn't too bad though. We made a new friend, a girl named Bumblebee, and I got to see Aqualad again. A smile crept onto my lips as I remembered when we first met. I still can't believe I was jealous of him, though I'll never admit it to anyone. He had everything; looks, ability to talk to fish… okay, maybe not everything.I was more scared if anything. Scared because I thought he was going to replace me. Robin assured me that I had nothing to worry about and that he would never throw me outon the streets. He made me feel a tad better. I should have known better than to think that. Now, 'fish-boy' and I race underwater and have a few competitions; all in good nature, of course. I closed my eyes and tried to relax my tense muscles. Images of being in a room with the Atlantian and walls closing in on us filled my mind. I tried to think of something else, but with no luck. A sigh escaped my lips and I soon regret it as asharp pain shot through my entire jaw, causing my eyes to shut tightly. I knew why my mouth hurt. When that giant techno-squid Brother Blood created wrapped its tentacles around the T-Sub, the amount of force on it caused it to explode and I watched as my friends started sinking further down. If that Cy-squid didn't get to kill them off first, the pressure surely would have. I did the only thing I could think of at the time; the only thing that would save them. I morphed into a whale and held them in my mouth. Gross, I agree. Especially if you don't know what they last stepped in. I still shutter at that thought. It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do either, especially when someone is poking or walking on your tongue. It hurt like hell keeping my jaw locked like that for a long time. I wasn't too thrilled about the taste either.

"**You weren't, but I was."** A dark voice filled the air in my room. I sighed with annoyance. So much for peace and quiet. I wonder if this is how Raven feels. **"It was delicious. You should have swallowed them."** I could practically hear his lips curve into a devious smile.

"I've told you hundreds of times before," I started, "they're my friends. I would never hurt them." I knew this thing well, very well actually. It first appeared over a week ago and convinced me to do something horrible. I'll never forget that moment. The moment where Cyborg thought he almost lost me; the moment where this thing temporarily took control of me and almost killed me.

"**You don't want to hurt them, but allow them to hurt you?"** His question caused me to open my eyes. I sat up and gazed into my mirror.

"What do you mean?" I asked with curiosity. He grinned evilly.

"**They humiliate you; make you look like the fool. Who are they to say those things about you? You should-"**

"Don't even say it!" I cut him off. I knew exactly what he was going to say. Hell, he's been saying it since Cyborg saved me, and it was pissing me off. "Give me one good reason why I should listen to you."

"**Who else would, child? As much as you seem to love your friends, how can you be sure that they care for you?"** His evil grin seemed to widen as I thought about his words. Time just seemed to pass by at a dead-man's pace. My eyes fell to the floor. I tried to clear my head of my roommate's words but he seemed to make it worse by continuing to speak. **"When you first met them they didn't like you. Didn't you smell the fear in them? Did you not notice their bodies trembling when you got near? You seemed to notice it very well when you were near Helmet-Man."**

"That's 'Mento,' and don't bring him into this! This has nothing to do with him." I snapped back.

"**Oh, doesn't it? He gave you a family by taking you in as the Doom Patrol's mascot. You had a woman who cared and loved you like her own, just like your real mother once had. Two men who gave you the attention a child needs. You had everything you could possibly ask for, except for one thing."** I felt the tears forming in my eyes**. "What was that one thing again?"** He was smiling, probably enjoying the pain he was putting me through. **"Mento was a great leader but you wanted something more from him, didn't you? Since Rita was like a mother to you, perhaps you wanted Steve to be… your father."**

"Shut up!" I screamed as a tear managed to roll down my cheek. "You don't know anything. Just leave me alone!"

"Beast Boy…?" I snapped my head up suddenly as another voice managed to echo throughout my room. I glanced at my mirror and surprisingly, the demon that haunted me was gone. He probably didn't want to be seen by anyone else. I was glad to be rid of him, even if it was only for a minute. Unfortunately, I had someone else to deal with. I got up from my bed, muscles still aching, and walked to my door. I breathed deeply as the door slid open revealing my fearless leader.

"Are you alright? I thought I heard yelling." He was concerned. I could smell it on him. It was sour and flat, kind of like an opened can of root beer that's been sitting out for about a month. Don't ask how I know that. Let's just say it was an experiment gone horribly, horribly, wrong.

"I'm fine. The noise was just…" _think Beast Boy, think._ "It was my computer. I was playing a game and I guess I just forgot to turn down the volume." Okay, so maybe it wasn't the best lie I could think of. He was giving me a weird look and I was certain he knew it wasn't true, but he suddenly smiled at me, which kind of threw me off.

"Alright." He said. "Look, I, uh… I never really got a chance to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"You saving us back there when the T-Ship exploded. It showed quick thinking on your part. You did good and I wanted to thank you for the save." He had a sincere smile on his face.

"No big deal." I shrugged. Yeah, right! This was totally a big deal! Robin usually never gives me a compliment. I could feel my cheeks turn slightly red from the embarrassment… and oddly enough from anger. I'm not quite sure why I was angry though, or whom I was angrier at: the demon residing in my mirror or Robin. I looked away from his gaze. "You would have done the same thing if you were in my position."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find him still smiling at me. It was at that time another scent drifted by. It was coming from the boy in front of me but I had never smelt it on him before. It was sort of like a leather, musky smell; strong enough to make you nauseous but always craving for more. "Want to spar with me for a while?" He asked. I looked into the eyes of his mask and smiled.

* * *

"_I can't escape this hell_

_So many times I've tried_

_But I'm still caged inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself"_

* * *

When Robin and I entered the weight room we found the others there training as well. The Tamaranean Princess, Starfire, was flying overhead shooting her ever-popular starbolts at attack disks that Cyborg invented. She was deadly accurate with every shot. She usually never liked to use her eye beams though. We told her to try to keep that little element a surprise. It often worked too. We'd be fighting a bad guy and just when it looked like we were going to lose Star would bust out her eye beams and fry the guy to jail. It was her own secret weapon. Unfortunately, it wasn't as accurate as her starbolts. She lost control a few times but we eventually helped her out with that little problem.

To my right was the half demon, Raven, sitting in her usual corner with black energy flowing all around her. Her signature chant echoed throughout the room as various objects around her became encased in her dark magic and levitated off the ground. She looked peaceful and in control whenever I saw her like this. Her hair swayed side to side slowly as the objects gracefully flew past, her pale skin looked soft under the lights, her voice was steady and low as though she were whispering, her head was held high as she sat, black energy lines surrounding her body; an absolute vision of beauty. A slight blush found its way to my cheeks as I continued to watch her.

To my left was the walking pinball machine, Cyborg. He's been my best friend since the day we met… well, maybe the second day after we met. He was too busy being concerned with how people saw him to really notice me, but after some time together we became the best of friends. He was currently working out on the bench press and from where I was standing it looked like he was benching about seven times his own weight. I could see the sweat starting to form on his brow. He's always looked out for me, claiming that I was a little brother to him. I'm actually glad he thinks of me like that. It's flattering, but usually the little brother is the major pain in the butt. He just smiles at me and says that's why I'm the ideal little brother.

"Come on, Beast Boy." I hear Robin ahead of me. I turned my attention to him and find him waiting patiently in the middle of the room, still smiling. He says he always enjoys sparring with me because I give him a challenge. Sure, the others provide a challenge, but according to him they're all predictable. Raven throws a few punches and kicks, but other than that she sticks to her magic; Starfire's the same. Cyborg sticks with hand-to-hand combat when sparring with the teen leader but he mainly works on defense while Robin tries to knock him down. As for me, he's never sure what animal I'll turn in to. Occasionally, I'll freak him out and throw in a punch or kick while in human form. He tells me to use it more frequently in actual battles, but I never really get a chance to. Besides, I prefer fighting in animal form. I casually walked over and stood in front of him.

"Hey Cyborg, mind being referee for a while?" Robin called to the larger teen. The half robot sat up smiling as he saw the two of us.

"Not at all, man." He walked over to us. "Alright, battle stance." We both stood ready, Robin in his usual martial arts stance and me in my animal crouch. Some people wondered why I stood like that. It was mainly instinct; I couldn't help it. It was the perfect stance before pouncing on your prey. "Here are the rules: One, stay in the room," he looked at me. "There's no point in sparring if you're just going to run to your room and lock the door."

"Oh, one time I did that and I'll never hear the end of it." I abandoned my stance and crossed my arms. The girls must have stopped their training because I couldn't hear Starfire flying around. That, and when I gazed at Raven I noticed she was looking at me. It wasn't long until Star gently floated down from above and stood next to Rae. They must have taken interest and wanted to watch the two of us spar. I don't blame them. Hell, everyone loves a fight. I continued looking at Raven and noticed something instantly. She was smiling! It was faint, but definitely a smile. Not only that, but it was a smile to me. I could feel myself blush.

"Just make sure it doesn't happen this time." Cyborg smiled and placed one of his large hands on top of my head, ruffling my hair. I quickly turned my attention back to what I was doing in the first place. "Two, no slicing each other. So Robin, no using your birdarang's edges to slice anything in two and B.B., no clawing… or biting. Three, no using hostages. Rae, Star, and I are not to be used, nor are we to be involved in this fight. Four, no actual hitting or kicking, just tap each other to indicate a hit." Yeah, that's how we did things. "Five, the most important rule of all… no hitting, no kicking, no anything in the crotch. The last thing we need is someone pukin' up blood all over floor. Alright, tap fists and ready yourselves." Robin and I gently tapped the other's fists and assumed our battle stances again. Cyborg backed up a bit. "Fight!"

I instantly sprang into action and charged forward. Robin waited until I was within close range and quickly dodged to the right, lightly slapping my back. I turned around just in time to see his fist flying toward my face. Out of instinct, my back flew backgrounds, but not for the reason you think. He came close to tapping me but before he had that chance I ducked by bending my back towards the ground and executed a perfect backward cartwheel. I managed to lightly tap the right side of his chin with the top of my shoe before flipping all the way around. Once my feet touched the ground I gazed at my leader. He looked surprised but was smiling, so he couldn't have been mad at me.

"Nice move, Beast Boy." He readied himself again. His compliment caused me to smile back as I prepared myself for another go. He lunged toward me and started throwing punches at me, all of which I easily blocked. But when I threw my own punch, he was gone. My eyes shrank as my legs suddenly gave out from below and I felt my body falling. Before I hit the ground though I felt two strong hands; one on my arm and the other firmly placed on my waist. I was gently placed on the floor and opened my eyes to see Robin kneeling over me, still smiling. It finally hit me as to what happened. While he threw all those punched at me he managed to crouch down from my view just long enough to kick my legs out from under me and cause me to fall backwards. I guess he didn't want me to hit the ground too hard and stopped me halfway.

"Always keep on eye on your opponent, even if you're defending yourself." He lectured me as he brought his right hand to my face. I shut my eyes tightly just before he playfully slapped my cheek. I opened my eyes again and saw him looking at me, smiling.

"_**How dare he slap you like that! I say break the rules. Pretty boy deserves a good long slice on that face of his."** _His voice kept echoing throughout my mind. Robin was no longer kneeling next me. Instead, he had stood back up and was waiting patiently for me to get off the floor. But that damn smile was still plastered on his face. **_"He's mocking you. Making fun of you. Admit it. You and I both know the real reason why he likes to spar with you."_** I quickly pushed myself off the ground and rushed toward the older teen. I threw punch after punch at him, kick after kick, anything to shut that voice up! Every dodge Robin made only seem to make the voice louder in my ears. **_"What the hell is wrong with you!"_** Punch, dodge. **_"You've got every animal at your command and instead, you prefer to play fair!"_** Kick, dodge. **_"You're pathetic!"_** Kick, punch, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge.** _"Weak!"_** Punch, punch, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge. **_"Useless!"_** Punch, kick, kick. Dodge, dodge, dodge. **_"JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!"_** I shut my eyes tightly and grabbed my throbbing head. I heard faint cries from the others, but I couldn't make out what was being said. His voice played over and over again. **_"KILL THEM! JUST KILL THEM ALL! DRINK THEIR FUCKING BLOOD! THEY'LL BE BETTER OFF DEAD! YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM! KILL THE FUCKING BASTARDS! RIP THEIR SKINS OFF WITH YOUR TEETH! DO IT!"_**

I screamed as loud as I could, hoping it would drown out all the noise. My eyes snapped open. There he was; just standing there. That damned demon in my mirror was out and right in front of me. All I had to do was run toward him. One slice in the right spot would end him and I could live the rest of my life in peace. He smiled at me; the same cold smile that haunts me in my dreams. He turned his head to the right and watched Cyborg. I followed his gaze, meeting my friend's eyes. It was like he didn't see this monster right next to him. My eyes pleaded for him to help me, but Cyborg never saw my mental plead. The demon turned his head to the left, toward the girls. He watched Starfire for merely a second, but found more interest in Raven. I was hoping the girls, or at least Raven, would see this thing right next to them, but they didn't. He kept looking up and down her beautiful body and she stood there. The three of them were worried. I could smell the pungent aroma emitting from their bodies. But there was another smell: lust! It was coming from the mirror demon. I kept my eyes on him and he kept his on Raven. He turned to look at me. I could see the wanting in his eyes. He wanted her; my Raven. He wanted to take my Raven. His lips curved into an evil looking smile and he licked his lips. I knew what he wanted. He didn't want Raven, just her body. He took one step toward her, still watching me carefully. He didn't get very far though. I lunged at him, growling, and sank my fangs into his left shoulder. I expected a cry of pain. No, I wanted him to cry out in pain. I demanded it. All I got was laughter. He was laughing! Laughing at my attempt to kill him. I grabbed his throat and lifted him off the ground. With one hand, I threw him at the wall behind him. I was hoping the impact would break his neck. It didn't. I could hear his damn heart beating. I was about the stop his heart permanently when I suddenly felt like I was being restrained. I looked behind me and found Cyborg. He wrapped his arms around me, stopping me in my tracks.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO KILL HIM! I HAVE TO KILL THAT FUCKING BASTARD!" I exclaimed at the top of my lungs. "LET ME GO!"

"Beast Boy!" Cyborg shouted in my ear. "Snap out of it, man!" I looked at demon and he was gone. It was like he was never here, but the damage remained. I was panting and dripping with sweat. I saw the damaged wall and the girls gathered by it. My anger quickly vanished when I saw his body lying motionless in the heap. Rubble was scattered around and on top of him. Sweat was just barely visible on his brow. His chest was barely moving. The thing that scared me the most was the fact that I did that to him.

"He's alive… barely. But in really bad condition." Raven said, looking over him. She turned to me, worry and fear in her eyes. "Why?" Tears started to form in her beautiful dark eyes.

"I…" My body trembled as I kept my gaze on him. "I don't know. I thought…" tears were already pouring down my face. "I thought he was someone else. I swear. You got to believe me. Please." I begged. Cyborg loosened his grip on me and turned me around to face him.

"Beast Boy, look at me." I couldn't. I was too panic-stricken. "LOOK AT ME!" Cyborg shouted, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. I sent him a plea for help with my eyes. "Was it the same thing that controlled you before? Was that who you saw?" He was hoping it was, and he was right. I broke down right there and latched onto my friend, wanting him to protect me. He wrapped his large arms around me, shielding my tiny body from the world.

"Starfire, take him to the medical room." Raven instructed the Tamaranean.

"Very well." She barely whispered. She was in shock over what had happened. I could smell her tears. She easily lifted his body from off the ground and made her way to the door. Before she left she turned around to us. "Beast Boy… he will be… alright?" Fear was in her voice.

"Cyborg and I will take care of him Starfire. Just get him to the medical room and hook him up." Raven said, trying hard to be calm. With that said, Starfire left the training room with him in her arms. Raven knelt down next to Cyborg and me and gently placed her hand on my back. My breathing had somewhat returned back to normal but tears continued to fall from my eyes. I couldn't stop them.

"Raven, he's getting worse. First, a weird voice in his head telling him to kill himself and now, this?"

_What's wrong with me?_

"I know Cyborg. I can feel it getting stronger inside of him."

_Why did I do that to him?_

"What are we going to do?"

_Guys, I'm scared. Please help me._

"I don't know Cyborg." Raven's voice cracked a bit. She was scared herself. Cyborg just held onto me, probably wishing he could save me from this… this Beast. My eyes felt heavy. I can still remember seeing his body lying there. I wouldn't blame the others for being at least a little mad at me. I know I hated myself right now. I could still hear that thing laughing in my ears. I closed my eyes, hoping everything would go away and this was nothing more than a bad dream. It wasn't though. I almost killed Robin.

* * *

"_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal, this animal)"_

* * *

The air was warm and dry. A strong scent drifted by. The second I sniffed the air I soon found myself regretting it. It was familiar and nauseating all at the same time. My stomach started churning and the pain caused me to open my eyes. I regretted that too. Everything was red; the sky, the ground, the river, everything. I looked at my surroundings. It didn't make any sense. One minute I was in Cyborg's arms and the next, I'm in this weird hellish looking place. My body hurt like hell, my head was throbbing on one side, my stomach felt like it was spinning; my leg muscles ached like someone was pulling them. So, naturally, I groaned trying to stand up. Once on my feet, I rubbed the back of my neck while still looking around. The air was carrying a strong tangy smell. Every whiff of it made me feel even worse than before. My eyes fell on the river not too far from me. Probably only four feet away from where I stood. My mouth suddenly felt dry. I managed to stumble towards it and collapsed to my knees when I reached the edge. Just when I was about to drip my hands in the water I noticed something strange.

"My gloves… they're gone." I just watched my green hands, almost as if I was expecting them to do some trick. That's when something else struck me. My arms were visible.

"How did I get in these clothes?" I wasn't wearing my usual uniform, which really freaked me out. Somehow, or someone, changed my clothes. I prayed it was somehow and not someone. Instead of my uniform I've come to love, I was wearing brown cargo shorts, a green button-down shirt, and tan colored hiking boots.

"These clothes… they look familiar." I studied the fabrics closely. Everything about them seemed recognizable; the patterns of the thread, the smell, the feeling. The shirt's sleeves came down to my elbows while the shorts fell just a little below my knees. I closed my eyes and tried to think about the last time I saw this attire. Unfortunately, the sound of the river caused me to become thirsty and interrupted my thoughts. Opening my eyes, I decided to quench my thirst and then I could continue with my fashion problem. Literally. I placed my hands in the cool water. Aside from the red color, it actually felt really relaxing. My eyes shut as my muscles lessen their tension. I cupped my hands together and brought a small amount of the liquid up to my lips. My nose started to cringe at the smell of my hands. My eyes shot open as the cool liquid ran over my taste buds and slid down my throat. Right away, I spit it out. I tried to throw up what managed to slide past me but I had no luck. My breath staggered as I looked at my hands. Sure enough, they were stained red. It explained the smell, why I felt sick, and the terrible taste.

"Blood…?"

"**That's right."** A mysterious voice became present. I turned around to the speaker. It was… him. **"An entire river of blood. You should really see the falls. They're quite spectacular."** He looked and sounded tired. He was leaning against a nearby tree. He smiled at me. His smiles were never a good thing, but this one seemed almost kind-hearted. Either this was someone else or he was just too tired. My guess was on the second one.

"**You still haven't realized whose clothes you're wearing, have you?"** He asked. I shook my head, still gazing at him. I knew the second my eyes were off of him, he'd try something, exhausted or not. He chuckled. **"Sure you remember. Think back to the last time you were this close to a river."** He waited while I thought for about a minute. **"Who do you see?"** I blinked in realization.

"Dad." I whispered. His smile widened, almost stretching to his ears. I was wearing the exact same clothes my father was wearing the day he and my mother died. The demon licked one of his top fangs. He was enjoying this.

"**Look around your neck."** He told me. I obeyed and brought my hand up to it. I gasped as my fingers traced the chain. I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. I cautiously looked down and saw the pendant held between my fingers. It was a beautiful emerald stone set in a silver casing. The chain was silver as well.

"Mom." My eyes softened as I remembered the day she first got this necklace. It was my parent's wedding anniversary and I was almost six, just before I was infected with Sakutia. My father bought her this necklace. He was romantic about it as well. I remember seeing the two of them standing outside at night, watching the moon and stars. My father then turned to my mother, took her hands in his, and gently kissed her. Being a five year old at the time, I thought the kissing was gross, but when dad opened that velvet box and mom saw that emerald, she threw her arms around him and kissed him again. I could see tears in her eyes as dad put it on her. That night, I swear was magical because that emerald managed to catch every star in the sky and bring two people even closer than when they first married. Unfortunately, my mother had died with the pendant. So I had nothing to remind myself of them. I could feel tears in my eyes as the memories just came flooding back. I thought I could hide it all away, but now… now it was coming back, pushing harder than before. I closed my eyes, not wanting to deal with the loss of my parents. I felt a hand placed on my shoulder.

"**I know it hurts."** He said calmly and knelt down next to me. **"Pain is never easy to deal with. But you should release it when you can and not keep it bottled up inside. You know what happens when you do?"** I looked at him with moist eyes. **"You become me. All the pain you've endured, all the hate you've stored inside of you, is sent to me."** I looked down at the ground, letting his words soak in. He was right. He was my pain. Instead of me dealing with it, I hid it away and smiled at the world. I created him. I created this demon. This demon was a part of me. This demon was me.

"**You know what? I think it's time you felt your pain."** I looked up at him again. **"And I know the best way for you to feel your pain."** His eyes gazed into mine. There was something different about it this time though. There was a strange spark deep within his eyes. My eyes widened slightly and he grinned evilly just as before. That's when I saw it again in his eyes: lust. I knew what he wanted. This time though… he wanted me. I pushed him off me and was just about to stand and run when suddenly I crashed back down to the ground. He climbed on top of me, chuckling, and grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling my head back up to his face.

"**What's the matter tough guy?"** He said grinning. **"Can't take the pain?"** He dragged me by my hair closer to the river's edge. **"You know that saying: 'Don't drink the water or else you'll get sick?' Let's see what happens when you drink the blood of your lost loved ones." **He whispered into my ear. Before I could fully understand what he had said to me, he shoved my head into the river and placed his hand on the back of my head to make sure I would stay down. My pulse was racing. I had no oxygen, no time to take a breath and hold it. I thrashed my arms and legs about, hoping I would kick or hit him. Just my luck though, I never did. My lungs started burning. It felt like they were on fire or shrinking. I could feel my mind get cloudy. I desperately tried to morph into something, anything to get me out of that situation. My body failed though. I just couldn't seem to transform. Instead, I concentrated more on removing his hand from my head. Just when I grabbed his hand, he grabbed mine by the wrist and put it against my back. That alone caused me to cry out while submerged and, unfortunately, swallow a large amount of blood. He must have sensed it because he pulled my head out and threw me back on the ground. I roughly landed on my back and tried to get my breath back. I coughed and tried to get the foreign blood out of my body. No matter how much I tried to force it though nothing came. I looked up and saw him in front of me. He looked at my shorts and smiled. My eyes were wide with fear. This would have been the perfect time to kick him in the crotch and run as fast as I could to look for help. I guess I wasn't fast enough though because the next thing I knew tree roots sprouted out of the ground and wrapped themselves around my wrists and waist. I started panicking and screamed, hoping someone could hear me. He unfastened and pulled my shorts off, followed quickly by my boxers. I was exposed to him and it was exactly what he wanted. I started kicking my legs around, hoping to nail him in the face. He grabbed my ankles and held onto them tightly as more tree roots shot out and latched onto me. The thick roots clutched onto my ankles and kept my legs suspended above the dirt. I desperately tried to twist my body out of the grasp, but it was no use. The roots kept a tight hold on me.

"**You know Gar,"** he smirked as he leaned his head close to mine. **"You don't deal with pain too well. We'll have to fix that."** He licked the left side of my face. I cringed at the feel of his slimy tongue against my skin. He carefully unbuttoned the shirt and spread it open, exposing my green chest and my mother's necklace lying on the base on my neck. He glanced over my now naked body, pleased with how vulnerable I looked. He smiled and licked his lips.

"Please…" I begged him. "Please don't do this." My voice barely audible as I tried to not only fight back the tears, but hope that he would take some pity on me and not go through with this. My vision was getting blurry from the tears threatening to fall from my green eyes and my breath was staggering. "Please don't."

"**But Garfield,"** he said in one of those 'in-matter-of-fact' tones**. "You need to know your pain. And what better way to know pain…"** he paused, letting his right hand slid down my inner left thigh **"then through pain itself?"** He moved closer to me. I felt his tip press against my opening and panic took over. I tightly shut my eyes and struggled to get lose and away from him. He only savored in my attempt and pushed in slowly. I cried out again and continued struggling. By now the roots holding me down had slightly cut the skin and tiny trails of blood were falling to the ground. Even the roots clinging onto my ankles managed to break the skin and blood slowly fell down my legs. I didn't care though. I wanted to get away from this beast. I wanted my friends to come rescue me. I screamed again. He was pulling out. Maybe he was taking pity on me. When he didn't pull all the way out, I got scared and kept my eyes shut. For a while, nothing happened. The only sound was of my panting. It stayed that way for a while. I was hoping that I was dreaming; that all of this was nothing more than a dream. It certainly would explain my current location, why I couldn't morph, the tree roots, and more importantly this demon raping me. None of this felt like a dream though. He suddenly thrusted all the way in and my eyes shot open. I made no noise. No scream, no cries for help, nothing except gasping for air. I felt empty inside. He wanted me to feel that. He pulled out again and quickly thrusted again. He kept the pace slow, wanting to feel every part on my insides, and watched my face for any changes. I just stared up at the sky with wide eyes. My entire body felt numb, yet with every shove he made inside me I gave tiny involuntary yelps. His pace started to pick up speed and my yelps became more frequent. Pretty soon, my tiny animal cries became nothing more than gasps for air after each thrust. I could hear him panting. I was enjoying seeing me in pain. He licked the blood seeping down my leg from my ankle wounds. I may have stopped struggling a while ago but the roots continued to squeeze tighter, cutting my skin on their own. It seemed like an eternity before he finally pushed his full length inside my tiny body. The sudden feeling of warmth inside my body caused me to close me eyes. He waited for a while before pulling out again and moaned as he felt my insides. I could feel some liquid seeping down. I was certain that my own blood was a part of it. I suddenly felt very cold. The roots slowly unwrapped themselves and sank back down into the earth. He leaned down to my face again. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"**There's still plenty more pain you need to deal with. That was just to scratch the surface."** He smiled and brushed my hair back with his hand. **"Now that you've got the pain in your eyes, we'll work on showing the pain on your body. But for now, I can see you need some rest. Be thankful I'm letting you."** He stood and left. I stayed on the ground. I didn't dare move. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself of what had just happened. I could hear the animals in my mind trying desperately to calm my human mind down and to relax. Some were even telling me to get up and run. I couldn't though. I was completely numb to everything. Slowly, this hellish world started turning black.

_Ah, sweet unconsciousness._ I praised. I looked up at the sky again. _Mom. Dad. Please, help me. You told me you would always look after me and protect me from pain. Well, I'm in pain now. Please, send someone to help me. I'm sorry for everything I've done just please… don't let me live like this._ Death was looking good right now. I shut my eyes and a tear finally managed to fall down my cheek.

* * *

"_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

_So many times I've lied_

_(So many times I've lied)_

_But there's still rage inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself"_

* * *

Someone was calling for me. I didn't want to open my eyes to find out whom though. I just watched the darkness around me, not wanting to move. I didn't want to find him standing there over me. I didn't want to feel any more pain. The voices were getting louder and now I could hear running. As it got closer, the voices became more distinguished. Female and male. A man and woman were calling and running toward me.

_Mom… Dad._ I dared not move. It could have been him again, playing a trick on me. Making me feel my pain again. I took a deep breath as I could feel the vibrations in the ground from the runners' shoes. They were getting closer. Now I could make out more voices. Two males, two females. One male had a strong, deep voice while the other had a more commanding tone to his. The females were easy to detect. One was high pitched while the other was a bit raspy. I knew those voices anywhere, and yet I didn't open my eyes. I wanted to believe my friends had come to save me, but I didn't want to be disappointed by a hallucination. They were right next to me now. I felt them collapse to the ground and someone had placed their hand on my shoulder.

"Beast Boy? Beast Boy, wake up. Beast Boy!" I felt my shoulder shake a little. I could smell them: worry, concern, fear, hair gel, incense, motor oil, and sweet perfume. I carefully opened my eyes and was greeted by four blurry figures.

"Beast Boy, you have awakened. Glorious!"

"Yo man, what happened to you?"

"Are you alright, Beast Boy?"

"Beast Boy, look at me." I moaned as I gazed up at his face. Jet-black hair slicked back, thin black lines covering his eyes, his famous uniform of contrasting colors… Robin. I looked at the others. Bright red hair, beautiful green eyes, orange-ish colored skin, purple uniform… Starfire. Blue flowing fabric, pale skin, purple hair, skin tight black uniform, crimson jewel on forehead… Raven. Dark skin, one glowing red eye, blue glow from body, gentle touch… Cyborg. My friends, they weren't illusions. They were really here. They were going to help me.

"Beast Boy, tell me what happened." Robin said. I could sense the trouble in his voice. Was I really in that bad of a condition? I looked at his mask and the tears started to form in my eyes.

"Robin," I whimpered. My voice probably sounded weak to them. "Please help me." I could feel the tears fall freely. There was no point in hiding my pain from them. They saw the real me now. The real boy behind the smiles and laughs. The boy in pain. They saw the real Garfield Logan. Robin helped me sit up and wrapped his arms around me. He gently placed on hand on my head and brought me to his warm chest. I felt a little safer being with them. Raven's hand managed to find mine. Even her touch was warm. My friends. They finally came to save me.

"**Aw, how touching."** My eyes widened at the familiar voice. He was back; leaning against the same tree as before. He pushed himself off and slowly took steps towards us. **"So, looks like your little friends managed to come after all. How pathetic."**

"What did you do to Beast Boy?" Robin demanded as Starfire helped me stand on my feet. Lucky for me, I was clothed again in my father's attire. I guess that beast decided to dress me after what he did. I wasn't quite sure why.

"**Why?"** I looked at him. Was he able to read my thoughts? He smiled at me. **"I dressed you again because it's fun watching you squirm when I remove them."**

"Remove them?" Cyborg was furious. Sure it was hard to pick up the scent with our current environment and blood everywhere you turn, but it was definitely there. His right arm quickly transformed into his sonic cannon and he aimed it right at my evil counterpart. "For your sake, you better not have-"

"**What? Raped him?"** He had a mocking smile on his face. **"Oh yeah. I did, and it felt good. Watching him desperately try to crawl away, his cries for his friends, him begging me to stop. All of it was quite pleasing. Besides, him feeling pain makes me stronger. That's how I was able to overpower him so easily and why he couldn't really do anything. He was just like a little baby."** I cringed at his words, remembering that horrible experience. My ears perked up as I heard growling. I looked to my right and saw Cyborg's teeth clenched tightly. He was definitely mad at this monster. I could understand why. I felt guilty for making them hear this. This was my entire fault. My friends were suffering because of me. I shut my eyes. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be away from all this. More importantly, I wanted to be away from him. A tear silently rolled down my dirt stained cheek. I felt something on my shoulder and opened my eyes. It was a hand, Robin's hand to be specific. He was standing right next to me, looking ahead. I followed his gaze and found the other Titans battling against my personal demon. From the looks of it, they appeared to be winning. However, something inside me told me that the tide would turn.

"Beast Boy, listen to me." Robin said calmly. He turned me so I would face him. "I want you to run."

"What?" I was in disbelief. The very person who never backed down from a fight was telling me to run. I must have been hearing things. He never gave up and never wanted any of us to retreat. He always wanted us to give our best. But now, he wanted me to run with my tail between my legs.

"Run."

"But, Robin…"

"Beast Boy, run." His voice was firm but I could detect a bit of concern. I could feel my eyes watering again. Just when my friends had found me, just when I started feeling safe again, we had to split up. I didn't want to be alone. Not with that thing on the loose.

"**You'll all bleed at my feet!"** He screamed. I turned to look at him. He was smiling. Cyborg was charging his cannon, ready to fire. My ears perked up as I heard the familiar sonic frequency. It was heading straight for the beast, but never made contact. Instead, he kept his gaze on me as the blast merely warped around him. It was like watching some strange sci-fi movie where the bad guy's able to bend an attack and change it to his own will. My eyes widened when the beast only sent it back to Cyborg. Unfortunately, this time it was a direct hit and my best friend was sent flying backwards a good Thirty-one feet.

"Cyborg." I whispered to myself. I wanted to help them, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't morph into anything, I couldn't fight him; I couldn't do anything. I was useless, just like he said in the Training Room. The beast was winning. He was slowly going to destroy my friends.

"I will not allow youto do any more harm to my young friend!" Starfire's hands lit up and she began shooting her starbolts. She was successful in hitting him, but he appeared to be unharmed. Raven gave a small nod to the Tamaranean. Starfire, again, readied her hands. Right away, they glowed bright neon green and a starbolt was ready to be fired. But she kept adding more to it until it was a large ball of energy. Raising it over her head, she gave a cry and threw it towards the creature. Raven's hands glowed soon after but she conjured up a force field. The ball hit him and, thanks to Raven's shield, it stayed locked inside with the beast. Slowly, my Goth beauty shrank the area and compressed the deadly attack until it recoiled and lashed out at us. The girls were thrown back a few feet but quickly regained their balance and focus in the air. Robin and I ended up flying backward and landing, rather harshly, on our backs. He helped me sit up and for a while we just sat there, wondering if the girls' attack really worked. Everything was quiet as the four of us watched the dust settle. I could see the girls float back down to the ground, Cyborg was coming up behind them, and Robin loosened his grip on me. Was it over? Already? I closed my eyes, thankful to be rid of that thing. At least, that's what I thought until my ears perked up at a strange sound coming from the middle of the blast. My eyes snapped opened. It wasn't over. The dust finally cleared and there he stood, not a scratch on him. His head was hung down and his eyes closed. The attack did nothing to him.

"It's not possible." Robin whispered in disbelief. The beast slowly raised his head and looked at me. I could feel my heart beating rapidly in chest as the corner of his mouth curved up.

"**You're mine!"** He shouted and ran toward me. The way he ran, it was scary. His feet never touched the ground, like something out of the Exorcist movie.

"Beast Boy, run!" Robin yelled, pulling me to my feet and pushing me behind him. I stumbled for a second but quickly regained my stance and looked back at Robin. He had taken his staff out and blocked the beast from getting to me. Unfortunately, the beast had grabbed hold of it and now the two were having a pushing contest. Whoever pushed the other to the ground obviously won. Neither one was making any progress though. They were merely locked in one spot with a metal rod between them.

"I won't let you hurt him anymore!" Robin shouted at the beast.

"**Word of advice leader-boy. Don't interfere with someone else's pain. You could end up getting hurt yourself!"** He released the stick and quickly backhanded Robin.

"Robin!" I cried, watching the teen wonder fall to the ground.

"**I warned him."** He smiled at me and took a step forward. Panic struck me. I followed Robin's orders and turned and ran as fast as my tired legs could go. I knew it would have been useless though. He would eventually catch up to me and do heaven-knows-what. This place was his world. He knew everything about it and because of that I was at a disadvantage. My vision started to blur as tears found their way to my eyes. I had to keep running though. I had to, no matter how much pain I was in. No matter how hopeless this all seemed. I looked behind me to see where he was. He wasn't far. All he had to do was lunge at me and he'd knock me to the ground.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted at him. All I could hear was his laughing. He wasn't going to stop. He leapt off the ground and my heart literally felt lodged in my throat. I expected to be shoved to the floor but was hit by a different force. Robin managed to swing down using his grappling hook and scooped me up. His arm was around my waist, keeping a firm grip on me. I clung onto him, not wanting him to leave my side. Looking back at the beast, he was lying on his stomach on the ground, looking really pissed off.

"**You can't hide from me! You're pain is a beacon to me!"** He shouted at us. Cyborg, Raven, and Starfire started shooting him with everything they had. There was no way he could survive an attack from the three of them combined. It was over. I sighed in relief as Robin and I swung off to somewhere safer until the others called letting us know I was no longer in danger. I wrapped my arms around my leader's neck and buried my face in his shoulder. A small smile actually touched my lips, as we swung further into the forest of red trees.

* * *

"_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal"_

* * *

We finally came to a stop. Trees and bushes surrounded us. A small pile of rocks were right in front of us. We were completely hidden. I sighed in relief of finally being away from that thing and was actually feeling a little safer. Of course, that could have been because Robin still had his arm around my waist. Just being next to him made me feel safer. He led me over to the base of a tree and gently lowered me on the ground.

"You okay?" He asked me.

"I'll be fine." I rubbed my right arm for no reason.

"Beast Boy, that demon… did he actually… rape you?" He seemed a bit unsure about his words. I had always heard that this was a difficult subject to talk about. To that I'd like to add a big, fat 'DUH!' I understood why it was difficult and why the teen wonder was choosing his words carefully. He didn't want me to relive it again. It's bad enough going through it, but to experience it again in your mind is brutal. Not only do you watch it play over and over again, but now you've got your inner voice degrading you. I closed my eyes and nodded my head. I heard Robin exhale heavily out his nose. He was mad. He seemed to find interest in a leaf blowing on the ground. He stayed that way for a while; it usually meant he was deep in thought. He may have been angry, probably wanted revenge too, but I was relieved. I was finally away from that beast and with someone who actually cared about me, someone who I had confided in many times before. He knew my life better than anyone else. From the death of my parents, to the circus, even the Doom Patrol. I told him everything about what I remembered of my past. We soon found out that the two of us weren't that different after all. We both lost our families, wandered on our own for a while before finally being taken in by our mentors. We were similar in… well, almost every way.

"Beast Boy, I know this is going to be difficult for you but I need you to tell me everything that happened." He sat in front of me. "How did you get here?"

"I… I'm not quite sure. The last thing I remember was sparring with you in the Training Room and hurting you. When Starfire took you to the Medical Room, I was in Cyborg's arms. He was trying to calm me down and I guess I just fell asleep in his arms. Next thing I knew, I woke up and was here." I suddenly remembered the sparring accident. "Robin, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I attacked you. I thought I saw-"

"It's alright. Cyborg and Raven told me everything." He gently put his fingers under my chin and lifted my head. His mask was staring into my watery green eyes. "You could have told me, you know."

"I know. I just… I just thought you would think I was crazy or something." I turned my gaze away from his face, ashamed of myself. He lightly tugged at my chin, forcing my attention back on him. There was a slight small on his lips.

"Of course I think you're crazy. I thought that the second I met you. You have to understand though. You aren't the only one who has a personal demon. Nor are you the only one who's thought about suicide. I'm sure we all have, except Starfire. She probably thinks it's a type of food or drink." I gave a small laugh. "Beast Boy, you know you can trust me."

"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"It's alright." His smile faded. "Now, tell me. Who is this guy and what does he want?"

"I don't know his name, but he first appeared after I accidentally infected Cyborg with that virus. He kept telling me how all I did was cause you guys grief and get in the way. It all happened so fast and soon I was standing on the edge of a pier with a dagger in me."

"So it wasn't a gang that did that to you, was it?" He actually believed Cyborg's lie. I shook my head.

"No. It wasn't. Cyborg was there and he saw the whole thing. He pulled me out of the water and brought me back to the tower for medical attention. He promised me that it would stay a secret between us. But I guess Raven found out on her own, and now you know." I looked away. Cyborg had broken his promise to me. To tell the truth, I'm kind of glad he did.

"Raven found out when Cyborg brought you in that day. She said she easily saw through Cyborg's lie and confronted him later that night after you woke up." So that's how she found out. "Cyborg told me that when you… did that to yourself… it wasn't actually you. It was someone else controlling you. Is that true?"

"Yeah," I closed my eyes, "that beast thing did it. I'm not sure how though. He just kept saying all this terrible stuff to me. I was about to stop when I realized I was at the docks, but I'm sure he's the one who actually brought the dagger down in me."

"Any idea what he wants now?" I opened my eyes and looked at the older teen in front of me.

"He wants me to feel pain."

"What do you mean 'pain?'?"

"Robin, you know what kind of life I've led. I never really expressed my pain to anyone. I just learned to hide it all away, no questions asked. Those two Americans threatened me by shoving a gun in my face every time I cried. The circus would whip me if I even looked at the food in a bad way, and Mento kept saying emotions made a person weak. I grew up like that. If I wasn't a good little soldier, I would get punished." As much as I wish it wasn't true, it was. Robin knew that better than anyone. Having been trained by the legendary Batman, he was taught that emotions only lead to trouble.

"I know what that life can be like. But you know what?" He placed one hand on the side of my face and smiled. "You never let that stop you before. You've always been strong inside. I've never had to worry about you because I know that in the end, you'll be all right. Whenever someone kicks you down, you always stand up and try again. That's what I admire about you. You never give up. You fight with something that very few heroes fight with today."

"I do. What?"

"You fight with your heart. That's why I'm glad to fight along side you, Beast Boy." I felt like hugging him, but I didn't. Emphasis on the word 'felt.' Instead, I gave him a sincere smile.

"**Oh gag!"** My eyes widened at his voice. No, it couldn't be. Please, anyone but him. I glanced at the pile of rocks. He was standing there on top of the small mountain, watching us.** "How sappy could you be, Boy Wonder?"**

"You?" Robin looked at him surprised. "How are you still alive?"

"**Sweet motivation. And his misery is all the motivation I need."**

"What happened to the others?" I asked quietly.

"**Aw, how cute. You worry. Well, don't. It's pathetic. You're little Titan friends have become my dinner."** His eyes shined wickedly as he grinned at me.** "Don't worry though. I saved their carcasses for you if you get hungry."** I felt like throwing up. He smelled of blood and sweat.

"You're lying!" Robin shouted, standing up and pulling out his staff ready to attack the beast.

"**Believe what you want."** He slightly shrugged his shoulders. **"But then how do you explain these?" **He threw three objects in front of us. I crawled towards them while Robin stood watching the beast. The smell of blood grew heavier as I moved closer to the objects. I glanced up at the monster that had been torturing me lately. A sickening smile was on his face. I gulped down my fear and closed the gap between the items and me. I could smell Robin panicking. I looked over my shoulder at him and instantly knew why he felt like that. I was in the dead center between him and that beast. I took a deep breath and looked back at the items on the ground. There was purple clothing, blue cloth, and metal parts. My eyes shot open and I had difficulty breathing. My nose was filled with the scent of blood, my eyes were filled with tears; I fell back as I continued to stare at them in disbelief.

I cautiously lifted the purple clothing and it soon became two separate parts. The smell of perfume mixed with blood. My fingertips were stained red as I felt a few wet spots. I tried desperately to keep my vomit down. These clothes belonged to Starfire. Robin would kill this bastard for removing the girl's clothing. I looked at the other articles. Metal casing… Cyborg. Dropping Starfire's uniform in my lap, I gently touched the titanium. It was stained in blood and oil. Lifting it off the ground I realized what part it was. It was the piece found on his chin that connected to his left robotic eye and neck. I instantly dropped the piece. This monster had ripped Cyborg apart. My best friend was gone. I didn't want to go on anymore but looked at the last item. The blue clothe… Raven. My Raven. I whimpered as I moved to pick it up. When I lifted it, a red jewel fell to the ground. I immediately dropped the beautiful cloak and numbly reached for the jewel. Holding it in my hands, I just stared at it. Tracing it lightly with my fingers, tears falling down my eyes. A small pool of blood formed around the tiny jewel that once lay on my love's forehead. I tightly shut my eyes wanting to wake up from this nightmare. My body started trembling and my whimpers caught Robin's ears. I could hear him move toward me slowly.

"Beast Boy…?" He cautiously asked. I clenched my teeth. They were gone. My alien friend, my dark angel, my best friend… all of them gone; now this beast was probably going to kill Robin right in front of my eyes. He was right. They were going to bleed at his feet. I was going to feel the pain I ran away from for so long. I was going to die slowly on the inside. Scratch that. I already died on the inside.

"**Perfect."** He smiled and jumped off the rocks, landing mere inches away from me. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes were blank and salvia was dripping from his fangs.

"GET AWAY FROM HIM!" I heard Robin shout. It went unheard. The beast firmly pressed his warm, bloodstained lips against mine. I felt his slimy tongue pry my lips open. He made a low growl in his throat as his spit slid down into my mouth. With his other hand, he started massaging my neck and I swallowed his vile salvia. I let out a quick muffled cry before my body fell limp. He pulled away and looked at me. I tried to move some part of me, but nothing happened. He smiled at me and stood on his feet. My body suddenly responded and I rose to my feet as well. He lifted his right arm in front of him and I did the same. He was controlling my body? Great, things just went from bad to worse. He forced my body to turn and face Robin. Him seeing my 'freaked out' facial expression told him everything.

"**Remember what I told you about interfering with someone else's pain, Wonder Boy?"** He asked my leader. The teen just stared at us, unsure of what to do. **"Well, let's see if you'll attack your little green friend. Trust me; with me pulling his strings, he's not going to hold back."** He extended his arms and I lunged forward at the teen in front of me. He laughed as Robin quickly jumped out of the way. My body started feeling colder. I watched Robin get to his feet and my eyes pleaded for him to help me. He noticed it right away.

"What do you want from him?" My leader asked. The demon just smiled.

"**I want what anyone wants. I want control of him!"** His eyes flashed red and my left hand grasped Robin's neck, pinning him against a tree. I could feel my right hand change its shape and my nails soon grew into long claws. I felt my hand squeeze the older teen's neck. Tears started to form in my eyes as I heard the boy gasping for air. His hands desperately tried to push me away. My right arm suddenly drove forward and my nails became embedded in his stomach. His breath seemed to stop but he was still alive. I could feel his pulse through my nails.The eyes of his mask were wide and I noticed as a tear managed to fall down his cheek. A trail of blood escaped from his mouth. My hand felt wet and the sickening smell of blood caught my nose. His lips started quivering and he mouthed inaudible words to me. Then, just like that, he was gone. I pulled the claws out and let go of his neck, watching his limp body fall to the ground.

"**I'm kind of disappointed. I expected the Great Boy Wonder to be a bit more challenging. No problem though. I still have you."** My eyes shrank and I collapsed to my knees as I stared at the lifeless form of Robin. My breath staggered as I just watched him lay there. I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

"Why?" My voice sounded empty and quiet.

"**Like I said before,"** he squeezed my shoulder tightly, **"I want control. And I intend on having it."**

"So you killing him gives you control?" My voice grew harsher. "What good does that do?"

"**More than you realize. And I'm not the one who killed him. You're the one with blood on his hands."**

"You'll never get away with this. I'd rather die than help you."

"**Dear, sweet Garfield…"** he leaned down close to my ear and whispered, **"you already have died."**I screamed as asharp pain erupted in my head. My skin had a burning sensation. The pain traveled down my spine and spread throughout my entire body. I could just barely hear the monster's laugh as everything turned black.

* * *

"_Somebody help me through this nightmare_

_I can't control myself_

_Somebody wake me from this nightmare_

_I can't escape this animal"_

* * *

My eyes shot open. All I could hear was the sound of my panting. _It was all a dream?_ My breathing patterns soon calmed down. I looked around and actually noticed my room. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see my room. The piles of clothes, the pizza boxes on the floor, the familiar smell, the posters on the walls; all of it, mine. I sighed as I looked down at the blanket on me. Funny. I don't remember covering myself with a blanket. Pulling the 'mysterious' cover off of myself, I stood up and stretched. I groaned as my back made a 'pop' sound. My eyes soon fell upon my mirror. After what seemed like twenty minutes (when in reality was only about ten seconds), I cautiously crept up to the full-length reflection of myself. I sighed in relief when I found myself staring back and not that animal from the dream. I was knocked out of my daze when I heard knocking on my door. Before I could move, the door opened on its own and in walked my fearless leader.

"Beast Boy, you're awake? I thought you would have still been asleep." Robin said. I was about to respond when I suddenly remembered the incident in the training room. How could he ever forgive me for that? I did what any freedom fighting teen would do. I handled the situation like a man.

"Robin, please, please, please, forgive me!" I begged, but I was very manly about it. Sure I was on my knees, had my arms wrapped around his legs, and begged his forgiveness… but I didn't cry when doing it.

"Beast Boy, what are you talking about?" His question made me look up at him. He was confused? How the hell could someone be confused about what happened? I mean, I almost kill the guy and he doesn't even remember it! Did I really hit him THAT hard?

"In the Training Room. We were sparring and then-"

"Training Room? Sparring? Beast Boy, we haven't sparred together in over two weeks." He helped me off the floor and looked me in the eyes.

"But, I thought that… I talked to you not too long ago. You said I did good saving you all when the T-Ship exploded."

"I did." Okay, now I was freaking out.

"But… you just-" He chuckled as I tried to understand what exactly happened.

"Beast Boy, I came in and found you half asleep on the bottom bunk. You were close to falling off too, but I picked you up, put you back on the bed so you wouldn't fall off, and covered you with a blanket. Then I just whispered in your ear and told you that I was proud of what you did. I thought you understood because after I finished saying that, you smiled." I smiled? That must have been when Robin asked me to spar with him. Which means that everything was a dream. The argument I had with that beast, attacking Robin, that nightmarish world, what that bastard did to me… everything. From the moment I came in my room and collapsed on my bed that must have been when the dream kicked in.

"Beast Boy?" He was concern again. Somehow, my gaze shifted to my mirror during my thinking. I turned my attention back to the elder teen standing before me. "Are you alright?"

Was I? I just had a dream where I almost killed my 'Commanding Officer,' as my former mentor, Mento might have called it. I dreamt that I was raped and force to drink the blood of my loved ones. I dreamt of losing control to the very thing that tried to kill me in the beginning. Damn, I'm going to end up paying a therapist a lot of money some day. But was I feeling alright right now? Could I tell this dream to my leader? My friend? This person standing before me who always seemed to understand my problems? The same person who understood my past and told me there was nothing to worry about because his life was just as crappy as mine? The same person who would hold me if I cried because my life had always taken a wrong direction and was always crappy? Could I tell him just how much pain I was really in?... I couldn't.

"I'm fine. I just… the dream just seemed a little too real, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I sighed and looked away, realizing my lie. "I'm sure." He placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt kind of uncomfortable standing there with him looking at me. I would have walked away then and there but suddenly caught that strange leather smell again. I looked at Robin. The smell was coming off of him. It wasn't his hair; I knew that. He was smiling at me. Not some fake smile; it was… different. I had to know what it was, but his smile was… creepy.

"What?" I asked, a little irritated. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"It's nothing." He slightly shook his head, keeping his smile. "I'm just… I know I don't really give you any compliments but… I'm proud of you, Beast Boy. I just wanted to let you know that." That's it! That's what that scent was. Proud, admiration… Robin was actually proud of me. He admired me. He smelled like leather because of me. Well, that is… you know what I mean.

"You're… really proud of me?" _The nose doesn't lie genius!_

"Yeah, I really am." I smiled at him. So this is what a real compliment feels like. I've wondered most of my life what it must feel like. Sure I got a few comments every now and then, but never from a leader. Mento never gave a compliment (he believed it would make a person weak), the circus, the two Americans who brought me back from Africa, Dr. Register (he worked alongside my parents in Africa and thought I was nothing but a wild child who needed discipline… sounds very familiar actually). Our communicators went off and broke the silence. Robin was first to get his communicator out. Cyborg's face appeared.

"Robin here. What's the problem, Cyborg?"

"Yo Rob. Some guy named Adonis is causing all sorts of trouble at the Testing Lab just outside the city."

"Alright, Beast Boy and I will be there shortly." He closed the link and turned back to me. "Ready for some action?" He placed his hand on my shoulder again and smiled. This time his smile was meant for excitement. He was anxious to fight. I couldn't blame him. I was too. I smiled back at him.

"I'm always ready." With that said, we both bolted out of my room. I could swear I could hear laughing. Not just any laughing; his laughing. Not a problem though. This Adonis guy is going to end up regretting the day he messed with me. Everything's going to change now. I can feel it.

* * *

"_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_Help me believe it's not the real me_

_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_(This animal I have become)"_

* * *

Curious as to what happens next? Should I write a sequel to this or just stop before I kill it? If I get enough people wanting a sequel, I'll write one. Until then, peace, love, and animals!

-BBVixen


	6. K: Emotionless

Author's Note: One-shot! This is a father/son songfic between Mento and Beast Boy. I changed some of the words of the song to better suit the story. It'll be short but sweet. Enjoy!

Oh! And this story takes place sometime BEFORE Season 5.

Disclaimer: I only own this story.

Teen Titans © DC, CN, and Warn. Bros.

"Emotionless" (song) © Good Charlotte

Emotionless

"Mail!" exclaimed Cliff as he walked in the study. The Doom Patrol hadn't seen much action for the past month. It was a difficult task for them to keep sane. Larry and Cliff had managed to keep busy. Rita was a different story. Since Beast Boy quit the team, she had been thinking about him non-stop. Wondering if he was alright, where he was living, how he got food. She was worried about the little shape shifter. After she wedded Steve, the two had talked about, and finally decided to adopt the small child. It wasn't long after that when the leader and Beast Boy got into an argument, causing the green boy to run away. Rita missed him daily. The others often found her sitting on Beast Boy's bed in his room. She would usually hold one of his pillows and just cry quietly.

"Alright, we got bills for Larry, a magazine for Rita, junk mail for me, and two letters from…" Cliff stopped suddenly. His eyes were wide as he saw the name of the sender.

"Who are they from?" Larry's monotone voice shocked him out of his trance.

"They're from… from Beast Boy." His voice seemed small and in disbelief. Rita practically jumped out of her seat upon hearing her son's name. She took both letters and looked at the recipient's name. One was addressed 'Doom Patrol' while the other read 'Mento.'

"Steve, this one's for you." Rita held out the envelope to her husband, currently sitting behind a desk. His blue eyes looked away from his work and up to his beloved wife. He took the envelope and threw it on his desk, going back to his work.

"Steve! Is that how you really feel about your son?" Rita screamed at him. The leader of the Doom Patrol just looked at her. Her facial expression gave him a clear message. Argument or not, past or present, they were still family. And family is forever. He sighed and picked up the letter.

"What's the runt got to say to us, Rita?" Cliff asked. Without hesitation, the brown haired woman opened the envelope and took out a letter and a photo. She read the letter aloud:

_Dear Elasti-Girl, Robotman, and Negative Man,_

_I can't believe how long it's been since I've seen you guys. I miss you all. Sorry about running off that day. But I don't regret it. Everything's great now. I met up with a bunch of teenagers like me. Well, actually I found one teen fighting someone and sprang into action. So, I guess in reality, I found them. Anyway, I met up with these teenagers and we all became good friends. We decided to start a superhero team. We're still working on the name though. I was thinking of something like 'Teen Dudes,' or 'Super Titans.' No one seemed to like my first choice though: The Super Dudes and Dudettes! I'm not sure why. Oh! I should probably tell you who the other members are, huh?_

_Well, first is Robin; the same Robin who was trained by Batman. He's kind of a stiff but knows what he's doing. He and I don't really hang out but I know he's always there for me. Every once in a while we talk about our pasts. Believe it or not, we have a few things in common. He's even training me in some martial arts. It's because of him, that I've become stronger and even gain some muscles._

_Second is Starfire. She's an alien princess from a planet called Tameran. She's really nice. Her powers are amazing. She can shoot starbolts, fly, has super strength, and can shoot like laser beams from her eyes. She's trying to learn Earth culture and we teach her everything we know. Robin has a thing for her and vice versa. It's obvious that they both like each other, at least to everyone else._

_Cyborg is the third member. He's half robot, half man. He's also my best friend and a mechanic. He's built some incredible things: a sub, a car, even our home! He's strong and can transform his arm into a cannon. He's the oldest of us all. He's the best. We play video games, hang out, and do everything. He's almost like an older brother. At least, he has that personality. He's always looking out for me._

_Lastly is Raven. She's empathic and can move things with her mind. She's also a half demon. I'm trying so hard to get her to smile but it's kind of hard to do because her powers are fueled by her emotions. If she feels any kind of emotion, something gets blown up. So she constantly meditates to keep her mind in control. We're often at each other's throat but I think I'm starting to wear her down because she's talking to me more often._

_Well, I do miss you guys. I hope everyone's all right. Oh, by the way. There's a picture enclosed of me with my friends in front of our new home. I love you all. Take care._

_Sincerely,_

_Beast Boy_

"Garfield." Rita whispered to herself. She felt her eyes starting to water and a smile found its way to her lips.

"He's a great kid." Larry said softly.

"He sure is." Cliff agreed and glanced at Steve. He had gone back to working while Rita read the green boy's letter. He then remembered the letter that was addressed to the leader.

"Hey Steve, what'd the kid say to you in your letter?" Cliff asked. Steve groaned in frustration.

"I'll read it later. Now please, I have a lot of work that needs to get done and I would like some peace and solitude." He didn't bother looking at his family but his voice carried a harsh tone and the others knew exactly what to do. They quietly left the study. Steve sighed and went back to reading his case reports. It didn't last long though before his gaze wandered over to the small envelope on his desk. Hesitating for a little over a minute, he finally picked up the letter, opened it, and read it silently.

"Dear Mento," he started.

"_Hey Dad_

_I'm writing to you_

_Not to tell you_

_That I still hate you_

_Just to ask you_

_How you feel_

_And how we fell apart_

_How this fell apart_

"_Are you happy out there,_

_In this great wide world?_

_Do you think about your son?_

_Do you miss me in your world?_

_When you lay your head down,_

_How do you sleep at night?_

_Do you even wonder if I'm all right?_

_But I'm all right_

_I'm all right_

"_It's been a long hard road without you by my side_

_Why weren't you there all the nights that I cried?_

_You broke my mother's heart_

_You broke your child for life_

_It's not okay but I'm all right_

_I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes_

_But those are just a long lost memory of mine_

_I spent so many years_

_Learning how to survive_

_Now I'm writing just to let you know_

_I'm still alive_

"_The days I spent_

_So cold, so hungry_

_Were full of hate_

_I was so angry_

_The scars run deep inside_

_This tattooed body_

_There's things I'll take_

_To my grave_

_But I'm okay_

_I'm okay_

"_It's been a long hard road without you by my side_

_Why weren't you there all the nights that I cried?_

_You broke my mother's heart_

_You broke your child for life_

_It's not okay but I'm all right_

_I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes_

_But those are just a long lost memory of mine_

_Now I'm writing just to let you know_

_I'm still alive_

_And I'm still alive_

"_Sometimes I forget_

_Yeah, and this time_

_I'll admit that I miss you_

_Said I miss you_

"_It's been a long hard road without you by my side_

_Why weren't you there all the nights that I cried?_

_You broke my mother's heart_

_You broke your child for life_

_It's not okay but I'm all right._

_I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes_

_But those are just a long lost memory of mine_

_Now I'm writing just to let you know_

_I'm still alive_

"_And sometimes I forget_

_This time I'll admit_

_That I miss you_

_I miss you_

_Hey Dad."_

"Garfield." He mumbled. He shut his eyes tightly but it wasn't enough to stop a tear from falling onto his desk. He sighed. "I miss you too, Gar. My son."


End file.
